Rollins story
by Oliviathesquintern
Summary: What happens when Amanda Rollins steps into the role of the victim when she goes undercover and comes out the other side as an actual victim? How will she cope with the trauma of being a rape victim, who will she lean on in this hard time, and will they catch the "Upper East Side Club rapist?" Read to find out :) Rated M for the first couple scenes, read at your own risk.
1. Chapter 1

_**I am so excited to be writing this story! I have watched SVU for as long as I can remember and I've recently fallen head over heels for Rollins. Here's the first chapter of "Rollins story". Oh and I'm treating it like season 16, amaro is still here and rollins isn't pregnant.**_

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I walk across the squad room in the highest heels I have ever worn. Uniforms look me up and down sending chills down my spine. I hate when men give me that look, that leering dominating look. It makes me feel dirty, disgusting even.

Deep in my thoughts I didn't realize the room had gone silent. Everyone was staring at me. Liv, who was next to me, seemed to pick up on my discomfort.

"Don't you all have anything better to do? Or would you like me to give you extra parking meters to inspect?" The strong voice from the Sargent sent uniforms scattering around the squad room.

Liv put her hand on my bare shoulder as we continued to my desk. Amaro and Finn were in the bathroom getting ready for our latest heist. Finn was going under as a bouncer, Nick and Liv would be across the street in a car.

A serial rapist with the first name of Patrick has been hitting up a club on the Upper East Side. He's been tagged by the media as the "upper east side club rapist". So far we've gotten a description but no solid identification. His type? Fit blonde girls wearing too short of a dress and too high of heels. The rapist sees it as his right of passage, it disgusts me. Just because they're wearing skimpy clothes doesn't mean they're asking for it. You don't go out clubbing in fricken jeans.

It had of course been my idea to go undercover. The thought of it sent my stomach in a twist but I would do anything to help the victims. Usually I don't mind going undercover, I sort of even like it, but right now I am second guessing everything.

A breeze from a nearby fan hit my bare shoulders and had me shaking uncontrollably. I silently curse myself for forgetting my NYPD jacket at home, and turning down Livs when she offered it. I hate being cold, but to be fair I wasn't wearing much clothing.

My bangs are pulled back into a sleek yet sexy bump. Smoky black metallic eyeshadow graces my lids paired with a dark cat eye eyeliner. My eyeshadow matches my black sparkling strapless dress. The dress is so tight I can barely breathe. The only reason I can breathe is because the back opens up entirely, stretching down to my lower back. The end of the dress barley reaches the middle of my thighs. Following the black theme, my heels are a shiny black and very high. All in all, there isn't much left to the imagination.

Liv is trying to talk to me but I'm too distracted. I hear her words but I don't register them. My heart starts pounding for no apparent reason. I can hear the blood rushing in my ears. A hand on my arm startles me.

"Hey Amanda are you alright?" Livs voice is filled with concern. Her eyes are peering into mine and I suddenly realized how close her face is to mine.

I looked into her eyes and mustered up a smile "of course I am darlin'. Now stop worrying about me and worry about where Amaro and Finn are. The two beauty queens have been in the bathroom for years." My southern drawl slipped out but no one seems to notice that it only comes out when I'm worried.

The Sargent didn't look convinced but she let it go. Pushing me never helps.

I shook off her arm and turned around in time to catch Amaro and Finn heading our way. Finns' gaze never falters; he looks straight into my eyes and not at my body. It's moments like this where I realize how much I respect my partner because he respects me, even if I am a woman. Something the boys back in Georgia never did. Another shiver racks my small frame.

Nick on the other hand, takes his time letting his eyes roam up and down my body. A heat fills me that I only associate with when he looks at me. Our on again off again sexual relationship never fails to confuse me. In recent months I have grown fonder of him than I ever thought possible. I've never used the word love with anyone, but I fear I'm getting close with Nick. I could never share my feelings out loud though, there's no way he returns my affections.

He's still staring at me with those dark, piercing eyes. I bite my lip and turn away before we get too out of hand. My gaze falls to stray pencils on my desk. Is it possible that he likes me as much as I like him?

"Amanda you coming?" Everyone had moved to the elevator except for me. Finn looked at me with curious eyes.

I shake my head and make my way over to the team. With the heels on I'm almost taller than Nick. "Yeah guys sorry I'm just tired. I'm ready to do this. It isn't my first time going undercover." I stepped into the spacious elevator next to Nick.

Liv and Finn exchanged glances behind me but say nothing.

Nick slowly hooked his pinky with mine and rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. Nerves were vibrating off of me and he could feel it. I felt more secure with his pinky in mine. Though the gesture was small it was the only thing keeping me sane.

The doors closed and I caught a glimpse of my reflection. Liv had said that I looked beautiful, stunning even. I don't see what she sees, I see someone incredibly mundane.

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The car ride over was silent. Finn kept casting me sideways glances. I hate when people pity me, it makes me feel weak.

"I'm fine Finn." He quickly looked back to the road.

"Amanda, no you're not. I don't know what's gotten you so out of whack with this case but trust your gut, if you don't feel comfortable about doing this then you don't have to do it."

A nervous scoff left my lips "You know I do, Finn. And like I said, I'm fine." I looked out the window "We're here."

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The club was alive with activity. Drinks were flowing, people were dancing, and lights were flashing.

It was an upscale club called "The underground". It had an elegant touch with a black and white theme. The silver dancefloor was awashed in blue undertones of light; black and white balloons littered the entire room. The bar was a beautiful black marble, as was the rest of the floor.

I walked across the room without so much as a back glance to Finn. He would be standing guard at the back door. The serial rapist had a habit of raping women in the back alleyway, romantic.

Liv's voice was talking to me through the ear piece situated perfectly in my ear. The sound of the music almost drowned it out. I can't make out what she is saying; most likely she is just asking if I am alright. Which I am.

"Amanda aredff youdfdfu still thergdfge? He's comajsdsdj yourjasfjd wayjdskdjf." This time it was Finns voice. The reception is awful in this club; I can barely make out what he's saying, but I can make it out enough to know that he is coming towards me.

I think about turning back and walking out, but I know I have a job to do and that I'm probably just being silly.

I can feel eyes on me. Instead of looking around and alerting the rapist that I know he is watching me, I keep walking forward to the bar. I need a drink. I force a ditzy smile on my face and keep walking.

People knocked into me left and right. A man grabs my hand to dance and I instinctively go to smack it when the grip tightens. It forces me to look up at the man, and when I do I freeze for a split second.

It's him, I know it is. His features match the description perfectly: dark hair and eyes, petit nose, and attractive.

His eyes are slits and they peer into mine with an animal like expression. He is smiling. The look he is giving me makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out. "Dance with me darling."

I smile and nod even though it's not a question. He yanks me onto the dancefloor and starts dancing. It takes every ounce of my energy to not run out of there. To punch him in his face and run. But I know I can't.

He is well dressed and quite the looker. I can understand why people fall for his phony charm, luckily I can see past it. Every other girl agrees to dance with him whole heartedly; I can tell he isn't pleased that I have the showed the slightest amount of resistance.

The uneasy feeling returns and I know I'm in for a lot more than I originally thought.

Lady gaga blares from the DJ's speakers as I start to dance a respective distance away from him.

From the ages of 3-21 I was a dancer. It was the one thing I could do to feel sane. To escape whatever problem I was having I would go to my studio and dance. I find I miss it very much. I knew that I didn't want to do it professionally, so eventually I had to stop and move on.

Usually when I'm dancing I feel carefree, but even the familiar swaying movements don't calm me down.

He shoots his hands out to grip my hips and I resist the urge to pull away. I avoid eye contact like my life depends on it. Slowly he pulls me forward until we're stomach to stomach. There is nowhere to look so I look straight ahead and into his eyes. He kisses me and I offer no resistance.

My mind is screaming, but I can't do anything about it. Backing away from the kiss and him might ruin the chances of the squad catching him in the act with me, but there is no way I am actually going to kiss him back.

I stand there while he kisses me, a living rag doll. His hands are in my hair and then on my butt, and finally they rest on my hips again.

"Why are you so shy my love? You're beautiful and you're mine." His voice was seductive, yet stern. He whipped me around and backed my butt into his front side. With his hands on my hips he rocked me into him and locked my arms around his waist and started to dance.

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Panicked when Rollins wasn't answering, Finn circled back to the front of the club and spotted her in a heartbeat. His stomach rolled. He had forced her arms around him and gripped her hips with his hands. When she looked sideways she had a few stray tears rolling down her face that she wasn't able to blink away.

Anger coursed through his veins. He brought his cuff to his hand and began to speak. "Liv I don't know how much more Rollins can take of this." He waited for her response.

"Why? What's wrong? Is she okay?" Liv and Amaro sat forward in their seats. Amaro gripped the seat until his knuckles turned white.

"He's making her dance with him, its rough, I almost can't watch it. She's crying, barely but she's crying. She's so strong Liv but she's breaking. She's barely hanging in there, he doesn't look alerted though, she's hiding it well."

Liv shakes her head "I have a bad feeling about this….." She tries to continue to speak when Amaro interrupts her.

"Just get her out of there Finn, get her out." Amaro yelled into the radio and slammed his fist against the dashboard.

Liv looked at Amaro "what the hell is wrong with you?"

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"Let's go get you a drink huh baby? Maybe then you'll loosen up and show me some love." Patrick grabbed onto my wrist and led me away from the dance floor. Relief flooded over me. The ghost feeling of his hands on my hips is still present. I shake my head to rid myself of the thought. I'm being overdramatic.

He hasn't even done anything to me, I'm just a baby. I mentally scold myself and force a smile on my face. I had never done such bad undercover work before.

Once we had parted the sea of people he led me to the bar. His steel grip latched onto my arm so hard it was leaving a mark. He was right, I am his.

We approached the bar and he pulled me roughly in front of him. My stomach was against the bar and my back was against his front side. His arms hooked around my neck in a nonchalant manner, but I knew the underlying message. I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

From the outside I'm sure it looked pleasant, romantic even. I'm sure he had done this move on every girl he had raped.

He kissed the back of my neck and set his chin on top of my head. Bugs crawled up and down my spine.

"Can we get 2 vodka tonics please?" he spoke loudly so the bartender could hear him. The bartender winked and started on their drinks.

Patrick got closer to me and put his mouth against my ear "I know how sluts like you love their vodka tonics."

I froze when I felt his mouth next to my ear.

His mouth was so close to my earpiece, so close to my wire that I started to wonder if he knew it was there. A pang of guilt shot through me when I realized Nick must have heard it. He must be going crazy in that car with Liv.

The bartender slides the drinks across the flat, marble surface. At once Patrick lifts his drink to his lips and shoves mine towards me.

He grabs my hand and takes me to a dark, dirty corner of the club. "So tell me about yourself" he flashes a charming smile at me and continues to sip on his drink.

I take a sip and instantly relax. The familiarity of the warm sensation calms my nerves in the slightest bit. "My name is Amy, and I'm a bartender a few blocks over. My boss sent me up here tonight to check out how well this club is doing."

I take another sip and lean against the wall.

"Well my name is Patrick, and I'm a stock broker. Grew up in Brooklyn, now I live up here." He grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him.

All of a sudden I feel very dizzy, very, very dizzy. The world around me starts to go in and out of focus. "I need…. I need to get out of here." I drop my glass and it shatters on the ground. Usually the noise would attract a crowd, but the music is so loud that no one turns.

I must have been drugged; I've only had 3 sips. The mother fucking bartender must have drugged me. He winked at Patrick but I didn't think anything of it… oh God… oh no…. why is this happening.

I push off the wall and start to walk past him. The world starts to tilt and rush by me. I can't tell whether I'm on the ground or on my feet. People dance in the distance in slow motion, lights surround me. I stagger and trip toward the exit.

"Oh no baby you're not going anywhere." He latches onto my arms and pulls me back towards him.

Sirens continue to go off in my head and once again I try and run, to get away from what I know is going to happen to me. He's strong, and has a tight grip on my upper arm.

Patrick starts to get angry with me and slams me against the wall. My head connects with the hard surface. I let out a muffled cry and fall to the ground. Luckily I fall to the left of the pile of glass. He picks me off the floor and starts to lead me away. "I like you, you're feisty."

He wraps an arm around my waist for support when he starts to walk and stills instantly. His hand moves from my waist to my shoulder and up to the back of my neck where the wire is taped. He starts to laugh as he puts his hand into the back of my dress and follows the wire on my bare skin.

"no…no… don't do thaaat" I mutter quickly trying to wrap my mind around what's happening. I'm sure I sound drunk.

Everything comes in and out of focus, I move quickly and then slowly. I had never been high before but I'm pretty sure this is weedx100.

"So you're a cop are you? Good. They can listen to what I'm about to do to you. No one's coming for you sweetheart, it's gonna be just the two of us."

I whimper and he silences me with a rough kiss. "None of that darling. Let's get out of here yeah? The real fun is about to begin….. trust me."

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 _ **Sooooooo this is the first chapter! I hope you guys like it, review and tell me if you do or not! Obviously I made up the part about rollins being a dancer but can't you see her as a ballerina? I am counting on writing multiple chapters of this so please review! Love you all!**_


	2. The ordeal

**MATURE CONTENT, IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SEXUAL ASSUALT DO NOT READ.**

 **So obviously this is blown out of the water and would never happen but its my fic so I'm writing how I see it playing out, love you guys. So I was rereading and I realized I am so used to writing in the past that if often faded from present to past, so sorry guys! I'm trying to perfect it.**

 _Previously:_

" _So you're a cop are you? Good. They can listen to what I'm about to do to you. No one's coming for you sweetheart, it's gonna be just the two of us."_

 _I whimper and he silences me with a rough kiss. "None of that darling. Let's get out of here yeah? The real fun is about to begin….. trust me."_

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Patrick's words to Amanda echo in my ear. Liv sits next to me with a pale face. He knows she's a cop.

I hop out of the car and slam the door shut. "C'mon let's find Amanda, NOW."

Liv follows in suit and we run across the street to the lively club. When we enter the light is so blinding I can barely see 10 feet ahead of me. Amanda's cries are still quietly coming out from the radio in my hand.

I go to turn off the radio but Liv grabs it from me. Disgust takes over her facial features as Amanda cries out for him to stop. Liv presses the record button located on the top of the radio and hands it over to me. "I'm sorry Amaro but we need to record this for IAB."

My jaw goes slack and then I clench it. I rip the radio out of her hand and place it next to my mouth. "Amanda hang in there, we're coming for you.

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His hand is still around my waist as he drags me towards an unmarked door in the very corner of the club. It is dark over here. Unless you knew what you were looking for, you wouldn't find it. Great. I try and struggle but I'm useless in this state.

"You don…..you don't wann do thisss" my words are slurred and weak. I am pitiful, completely useless. My cries don't slow him down though; in fact it quickens his pace.

A remixed Adelle song comes on as he opens the door and throws me through it. At first I am relieved, Finn must be here, it has to be the back alleyway.

My head connects with a carpeted floor and my cries return. I am not in an alleyway.

I try to get up and crawl away, but my arms and legs are so weak I fall.

He chuckles as he lifts me off the floor and plants another rough kiss to my mouth. "You're wrong my dear, I really want to do this."

He turns me around again and starts feeling my body. His hands circulate from my breasts to my hips, and then lower. I whimper and he shoves me against the wall.

This time it's my ribs that feel it and I suck in a breath in pain. "Please….Please don't. My squad….. they will f f find mee." I crumble to the ground and stay there. There is no hope at this point.

"I'm getting really tired of lifting you off the floor bitch. Let's move this to the bed shall we?" He roughly grabs onto my arm and hoists me to my feet. Seconds later I was pushed onto a bed and he was on top of me.

In a quick motion he pins my wrists above my head while he straddled my waist. He moves one hand down to my face and caresses it. "You're so beautiful Amy, but I'm sure that's not your real name is it? No I don't think it is. I'm sure your actual name is close to it though, let's play a guessing game?"

I struggle to move my head to one side, anything to avoid eye contact. Tears stream down my cheeks. My head feels like it weighs a ton.

In this moment I think of Nick, of our many nights in my apartment and many days walking around central park. All of the happy times we shared flit past my closed eyes. Laughs, touches, caresses, and kisses plague my memory.

He will be disgusted with me when they find me, if they ever do.

He moves his hand to cup my face roughly and forces me to look at him. I cry once more. I open my eyes and stare into his face, silently pleading him to stop.

"So not Amy…. Maybe Amelia" I say nothing and look past his head to the ceiling "Okay not Amelia, no no your name is Addison" again I say nothing. "Oh I've got it, you're an Amanda aren't you?"

Still I say nothing but he laughs victoriously. "Oh yes you are an Amanda. I can see you try and school your facial expressions but my dear this drug is working amazingly."

He gets closer to my face "Amanda" he whispers into my ear "I promise you will remember me for the rest of your life."

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I listen to him say her name like he knows her. It drives me wild. It disgusts me. My blood is pumping and I'm seeing red.

"Where the hell are they" I yell at Liv. We've been circling inside the club like vultures. They are nowhere to be found, not in the bathrooms, not in the manager's office, fucking nowhere.

Finn checked the back alley and they weren't there either. I'm going fucking crazy.

Far off I can hear Liv call for backup but I don't register her words. I can barely hear them over the blood rushing past my ears.

We were told not to empty the club in hopes that we could catch the bastard and not set off the civilians. It doesn't make sense to me but I can tell it's not up for discussion.

I turn a corner and run right into Finn.

He doesn't have to say anything, just shakes his head. Amanda's small cries float from the radio to our ears.

Liv takes the radio from my hands "Amanda, Amanda honey where are you?"

We huddle around the radio and wait for a response. Her cries have stopped. We can hear shuffling on the other side of the radio.

"I'm sorry, Amanda is currently unavailable. Can I take a message?" Everyone stares at the radio in shock. "Oh did I surprise you? I decided to take the earpiece out of her ear and make it a party. Isn't that right love?"

A guttural howl rips my heart in half. Amanda sounds like a wounded animal.

"We will find you, and I swear to God I will rip you apart with my bare hands" My words are laced with poison as I spit into the radio "so you better let her go now before you do something you'll regret later."

Finn and Liv look up at me but say nothing.

There is a pause and then a twisted laugh. He states incredulously "are you the boyfriend? Oh this is just great! I mean I couldn't have asked for anything better. Now I'd love to chat with you and exchange tips about exactly how I should do your girl, but I really have to be getting to it. I think she's waited long enough."

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After he was done talking to Nick he lets go of the earpiece and sets it to the side of my head in my hair.

He moves to the bottom of my dress and caresses my thigh. A shiver racks my frame and more tears leak out of my eyes.

I feel hands on the bottom of my dress and a rush of cold air hits my stomach as he lifts it above my head and throws it on the floor. I suddenly notice how cold it is in the room.

Under the dress I wear a black lacey bra and matching panties.

"Now come on you can't tell me you didn't plan this? Did you wear this stuff for me you filthy whore?"

I didn't say anything. I imagined I was somewhere else. I don't know maybe a beach? I had never really been a fan of beaches. I have always considered New York as my safe haven, away from my family, away from Georgia.

I could feel him tare away my bra and underwear. On some level I knew that I was completely naked in front of him but I also felt like I was far away. In a daze, almost in a dream. Only this was no dream, it was like a nightmare.

I started to mumble nicks name. Where was he? Why wasn't he saving me? "Nick….Nick where are you. Save me, help me please." That didn't make Patrick too happy, what with me mumbling another guys name. I received a hard slap to the face.

He entered me and I started to scream bloody murder. I hadn't realized he had even taken off his pants.

I didn't even know it was possible to scream this loud. I was screaming so loud and thrashing around so hard that he had to get off of the bed and clamp his hand over my mouth. When that didn't stop the screaming and squirming his hand moved to my throat.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, WHORE. YOU'RE MY BITCH NOW." He screams it at the top of his lungs.

I can hear nick yelling from my earpiece.

I tried to struggle against the force of his hands but the drug was making me too weak, that and the lack of oxygen to my brain.

The edges of my view begin to turn dark. White spots flick in and out of my vision. I am becoming more and more lethargic.

The world is fading away, and I don't seem to mind. I am getting away from a horrible, cruel, disgusting world and going to somewhere clean, nice, and beautiful.

I had never been very religious before but in this moment I think of God. I wonder if he is real, or a made up figure used to instill hope in the general population.

If there is a god, I fear that he will judge me for my sins. I have never been to church, I drink, I gamble. I think I am unworthy of heaven. On the other hand, I put horrible people in jail for a living, does that make me any better?

I see his face one last time before my world goes completely black.

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Now that she is quiet, I can finally finish with her. God she is so beautiful. And she's a cop, score!

Her body lies limply on the bed and yet I know she is not dead, just thoroughly unconscious. It takes about 50 seconds and 11 pounds of pressure to render someone unconscious, anymore time and there could be brain damage.

Seeing Amanda naked and disabled sends shocks of pleasure up my spine, she is all mine. She will be my greatest accomplishment. The Amanda of all others. I will have to find someone half as worthy as her next, which will be very hard.

Maybe I should start hitting another club. After the rape of a cop this one will be crawling with undercovers.

I climb on top of her and take the earpiece from her hair. "Uh oh, looks like Amanda has left the building. That means I don't have to talk to you anymore, goodbye detectives." I smash the earpiece against the wall and continue the task with a smile on my face.

After I am done, I take a picture of my latest conquest, as well as her underwear and a few locks of hair. Amanda's hair is soft, and smells like strawberries.

I get off of her body and get dressed quickly. Time is of the essence. The detectives will be on my trail soon. It excites me knowing I have won.

I give myself a few seconds longer to stare at her gorgeous form before I am forced to dress her.

She is very fit, maybe a runner? Her muscles position and tonnage point to a dancer a few years ago, how lovely.

Sometimes I am so smart is scares me.

I stash the underwear and hair into plastic bags and place them in my jacket.

A groan escapes her lips and I momentarily freeze. It is time to dump her somewhere. It will be so much harder if she is conscious.

With a lot of work, I manage to pick her up and drag her to the side door that leads to the back alley. Stupid cops didn't factor in another room that has access to the back alleyway. Idiots. They practically handed me my next victim.

Once we get outside I automatically start to shiver. The warm June day has turned into a chilly September night.

The farther we walk the more alert she becomes. I can hear sirens approaching.

I scan the alley to see if there is anyone there, when I spot a dumpster 20 feet away. In a last ditch effort I drag her to the dumpster and throw her in. She can't be more than 120 pounds but that's still heavy to me.

Her body hits the bottom of it with a thud, it must be empty. Once Amanda is out of sigh I casually walk onto the street and walk in the opposite direction.

I replay the last hour in my head and grin while doing it.

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"How is it possible that you didn't see them?" I ask in a harsh voice. The bartender isn't helping at all. There is no way he didn't see either one of them. "And the fact that there have been multiple rapes at THIS club doesn't make you want to hire extra security?"

Amanda is still nowhere to be found. Although it's probably only been 20 minutes it feels like an eternity. Nick and Finn went to check the alley again.

"Listen do you know how many people come through here a night? I definitely keep busy. Now scram, I have customers." The tall, dark haired bartender turns to a customer and starts to take their drink order.

Anger bubbles up to the surface as I lash my hands out and grab onto his collar. "NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME. RIGHT NOW A NEW YORK CITY DETECTIVE IS BEING HELD SOMEWHERE IN THIS PATHETIC NIGHT CLUB. I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER. WHILE YOU CAN AND FETCH HIM OR HER YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IF YOU SAW THEM OR NOT."

Customers scatter from the bar and the bartender rips my hands off of his collar. He folds his arms across his chest and sneers "I am the manager."

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The cold air hits me as Finn and I once again look in the back alley.

At this point I've almost given up hope. Screw orders I'm about to evacuate the club my god damn self. Amanda is nowhere to be found.

I never got the chance to tell her that I love her. My heart beats fast as I finally admit it to myself.

The alleyway is lit with a single lamp above the club exit door. The rest of it is dark as night.

A car passes and its headlights reflect off of something big and metal. Finn and I exchange glances and suddenly we are running.

We reach the large metal object and realize it is a dumpster.

My heart starts to palpitate as I throw open the cover and look down. At first I can't see anything; it is dark at the bottom. As my eyes start to adjust I can barely make out a figure.

"Holy shit Finn, I think Amanda's in here."

As a team we lift her out of the dumpster and lay her gently on the pavement. She is bleeding out of the back of her head and her face is bruised. Blood trickles from her lip to her neck.

At first I feel an overwhelming sense of joy, but when she does not move I have to stifle a cry.

"Amanda, Amanda can you hear me?" Finn shouts over my shoulder as I kneel on the ground and cradle her head in my hands.

I hold my breath and feel for a pulse. It's weak, but it's there. "FINN GO GET LIV AND CALL A BUS, SHE'S ALIVE." I scream and Finn but he doesn't mind, he's already halfway back to the club.

"Amanda, Amanda honey wake up" I gently shake her shoulders. When she doesn't respond I give up hopes of contacting her and just cradle her head closer.

I have to repeat to myself that she is okay.

She is okay.

She is okay.

She is okay.

But is she really?

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 **Thanks for reading, love you guys! Review if ya wanna.**


	3. The Aftermath Part 1

**Just as a heads up, I will not always update my fic this fast lol. Sometimes I don't have wifi and are unable to even every week. Plus it's the beginning of the story and my creative juices are flowing. I am writing this in the shower because I am MAJORYL debating where this story is going. When I started it all I knew was that I wanted a real account of rape dealing with Amanda, after those two chapters I had no idea what I was going to do. Now I'm thinking I should continue with the story plot but also toss is actual elements of law and order, have cases with victims and so on. I want to circle back to Patrick and almost make him like a William lewis. Let me know what you guys think! Plus people who don't ship rollaro probably wont like this fic that much lol, I love them. The outpour of reviews that I have gotten amazes me, love you all! Also leave suggestions please! ALSO WE ARE GOING TO PRETEND AMARO HAS NEVER HAD A WIFE OR CHILD.**

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I can hear sirens in the distance, but I'm not paying attention. I have a bleeding, bruised, unconscious Amanda in my arms. So far she has been completely unresponsive.

The ambulance arrives and the EMT's pile out and bring a gurney with them. It all happens so fast.

Finn grabs onto my arm and pulls me out of the way so the EMT's can get Amanda on the gurney. Liv comes running around the corner with a look of absolute shock and horror on her face. She leans onto the nearest wall to help support her.

You can see it in her eyes; she thinks it is her fault. Liv looks at Amanda like a little sister, and now Amanda was raped in her charge.

"We're ready to take her to the hospital; who wants to ride with her?" My head snaps up and I make eye contact with Liv and Finn. Both seem to understand. Liv nods her head and I hop into the ambulance.

Amanda now has an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose. An IV is hooked to her arm. I can hear her heartbeat register on the monitor that is positioned in front of the EMT.

"Are you the one who found her?" The EMT is a young girl, maybe 25. She has jet black hair and fiery green eyes. Her voice is gentle yet firm when she asks the question.

I look down at Amanda and look back up at the girl. "I, uh yes. I found her dumped in the dumpster in the back alley. She was raped."

The EMT stopped reading the monitor and swiveled her head back to me. She was familiar with Amanda, most local EMT's were.

In New York, most EMT's are trained to get familiar with detectives because they have to interact with them so many times.

"Oh" was all she says before she avoids my gaze and tends to Amanda again.

My hand is intertwined with hers as the ambulances sirens continue to whir. I know we are getting close to the hospital.

I stroke her face with my hand and kiss her forehead. I know we will have to answer to how I acted and what was said during this whole ordeal. It was obvious from what was disclosed that we have some sort of relationship, IAB will not be happy.

Not only did Patrick pick up on our relationship, but I flat out acted like were are a couple, and Amanda was mumbling my name during the attack. Those three things do not look good.

Right now I don't care about that. I don't care who sees me kiss her forehead, I don't care about my job. I care about Amanda's safety. I don't understand how I didn't recognize my feelings for her until now. They were shrouded in professionalism and doubt.

SVU detectives don't date, it's just a thing. No one wants to come home to a wife or husband after the horrible things they have seen in the opposite gender. The job takes a serious toll.

The ambulance abruptly stops and the doors are thrown open. In a split second there is a flurry of people and Amanda is pulled out of the ambulance. Medical talk is thrown at me like a rock and all I can do is jump out and follow her unconscious body.

I have to answer questions of what has happened to her over and over and over again. I feel like taking a post it note and sticking it on my face so I don't have to keep answering those stupid questions.

Amanda is taken to the intensive care unit and cared for. She has a major concussion, stitches in the back of her head, several fractured ribs, and multiple bruises.

After her serious wounds are addressed, she is given a private room to recover in. Doctors with familiar faces came in waves to check on her and give their condolences.

I knew that if she was awake she would have smiled politely but thought about shooting them with her gun the whole time.

After about an hour I hear movement coming from the bed. I have my head buried in one of Amandas favorite books. My head whips to the bed to see Amanda waking up.

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After Amanda leaves, the scene is a mess. Uniforms bustle around the club talking to everyone that saw the two together. That leaves the bartender and me.

Finn is checking the security cameras with other uniforms, while I sit in silence in the manager's office.

The cocky SOB sits crossed leg in a plush white leather chair with a grin on his face.

The office in general has a very expensive feel. The leather chairs are just the beginning. The entire floor is a black marble; the desks are a white marble. Multiple TV's are planted around the office. All in all, not the usual vibe you get from a club office.

"Once again, did you see a blonde hair blue eyed woman with a dark haired and dark eyed man?" I shove Amanda's picture and a sketch of Patrick across the marble table.

He picks them up and looks at them for a few seconds. His eyes scan over Amanda's picture and stay there, soaking in her facial features. He throws them back at me. "Sorry, I don't recognize them. And trust me, I would remember her."

He winks and plasters on another smirk.

It takes all of my strength to not slap the smirk off of his face. Instead, I force on a smile and take back the pictures. "What did you say your name was again? Because she is an NYPD detective and right now all I know is that she was raped in your club- meaning you take the blame."

"Max" he studies my face "Max Johnson. But you, you can just call me Max. As for her rape well, that's definitely not on me. If I had seen her I wouldn't have to rape her to be with her. " Another wink has my blood boiling.

I reposition myself in the leather chair and lean forward. "Well Max. I am VERY tempted to throw your ass in jail for obstruction of justice. You call me if you happen to remember seeing either of these people. Okay?" I slid my business card across the desk and stood up.

I leave without waiting to see if he follows me to the door. He doesn't.

I know he is lying, I just don't know why. To protect the suspect? Maybe.

I turn left out of the office and start to walk down the hallway when I hear my name being called. I turn around and see Finn ushering me forward from the security office.

"We have them on camera, Liv. Guess who they talk to?" Finn scowls at me.

Dumb ass, lying when there are video cameras. "Our favorite bartender." I roll my eyes and make my way out of the office to arrest the lying dick.

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I can hear a faint beeping sound as I start to open my eyes. The material under me is scratchy and unpleasant. It smells too sanitary. I can feel someone squeezing my hand.

My eyes open and then shut quickly at the bright light that is coming from the ceiling. Gross fluorescent bulbs greet my eyes.

I must be in a hospital, I hate hospitals. Mostly because I hate being fussed over, hate feeling weak.

I fully open my eyes this time and turn to see Nick gazing at me from the chair next to my bed reading one of my books he stole.

One night I was reading that book in bed when he got in next to me. He stole my glasses and began reading it out loud. It was one of our nightly rituals.

I would always start reading to him when he was in the shower, door open. I would have my glasses on and one of his big t-shirts – my hair is always pulled up into a messy bun. Then when he would get out of the shower he would hop into bed and take my glasses and take over.

"Amanda, how are you feeling?" His voice is gentle and tentative. I don't understand why he is being so tender with me.

I try and sit up and let out a loud groan. Every part of me is sore. My brain is pounding against my skull ferociously. My ribs have to be broken, at least fractured. I feel bruised and broken, but mostly confused.

I flip the sheet off of my stomach and see bruises on my thighs, and then I remember. It comes flashing back to me in waves of pain.

The sudden memories have me gasping and flailing. I can't escape this emotional pain no matter how hard I thrash. He's here; he's trying to hurt me.

"Amanda, Amanda shhh shh it's okay." Nick jumps up from the chair and tries to touch my hand.

The contact makes me jump to the other side of my hospital bed. The gasping returns. I feel anxious, out of control. Am I having a panic attack?

"Amanda it's okay, it's me, it's nick." His voice is soft like calming a child. I remain pressed against the guard rail on the other side of the bed.

I can't breathe, the walls are closing in.

I can see Nick panicking because I am. All of a sudden I feel him slide into bed with me and throw his arms around me.

I fight him; I don't want anyone touching me. He doesn't let me go though; he rests his chin on my head and whispers sweet nothings to me.

My mind and body are finally on the same page. I stop shaking and melt into his arms. I cry. Harder than I think I ever have before. Sobs rack my small frame as I try to find a way to cope with what has happened to me.

I finish crying and scoot closer to Nick. His heartbeat is reassuring. "What time is it?" My voice is hoarse and very quiet. It takes him a few seconds to process and respond.

"Sometime after 2AM. Don't worry about that now though, just go to sleep Amanda. We will deal with all of it in the morning."

I appreciate how Nick doesn't push me. I start to drift off into a deep sleep. It is almost like were in my apartment, just any other night.

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The nurse points Liv and I in the direction of Rollin's room.

I was going to bring flowers but decided against it, Rollins wouldn't want that. She doesn't want our pity.

The door is closed but Liv opens it anyway. I follow her and run right into her back because she stopped walking.

Confusion is evident on my face as I step to the side of her in the small doorway. I follow her gaze and realize why she is stopped dead in her tracks.

"Well shit."

Amaro and Rollins are BOTH in her hospital bed. His arms are wrapped around her body protectively. Her face is pressed into his chest; his chin is on top of her head.

I look at Liv and see sadness overpowering her features.

I can only guess that she knows that Rollins and Amaro will have to be dragged into IAB. That and I'm sure she sees parallels between her and Elliot.

I grab onto her wrist and slowly back her out of the room. We walk in silence for a few steps before we stop and lean against the wall.

"Did you know about this?" Liv looks me straight in the eyes. She looks so incredibly tired.

I shake my head slightly "No I didn't. I had a feeling that there was something more there but I wasn't sure. I guess it's just another thing we will have to deal with." I let out a long sigh and rub my hand over my face.

It's close to 4 in the morning. We're all exhausted.

We had Max taken to the station and locked up. Nobody's questioned him yet, I want to make him squirm.

Uniforms have scoured the streets looking for Patrick, but so far nothing. It's almost like he's a ghost.

Liv sighs and moves so that her back is against the wall. She slowly slides down until she reaches the floor. "I have no idea what we are going to do. They are both amazing detectives but they can't be together. IAB will fry them, and then me. Oh we're so screwed."

Her hands are covering her face.

I take a few seconds before answering "Maybe IAB doesn't have to know…."

Liv rips her hands from her face and stares up at me, but doesn't stop me.

"I mean they're not here right now are they? And we can easily explain away what happened tonight. Look Liv all I know is Amanda is a great partner, amazing actually. And I know Nick is like that to you too. It's not like they're partners anyway. As long as we can prove that their work ethic hasn't declined then what is the problem?"

She continues to stare at me. She knocks her head against the wall and sighs. "I don't know about this Finn. I don't like it. IAB always has a way of finding out the truth. We could get in serious trouble."

I look at her, silently pleading.

"Oh fuck me."

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Sunlight streams in from the large hospital window to our right. I can hear Amanda's heart beat on the monitor. Before I open my eyes I take stock of the things around me, I don't know how long things can stay like this.

I can feel Amanda's heart beating against my chest. My arms are still hooked around her. It is a familiar feeling.

When I stay at her apartment or when she stays at mine, we always sleep this way.

I wake up before her almost every time. Usually I wake her up and we eat breakfast, but this morning I can't bring myself to do it. I would like for her to live in her happy little dream bubble for as long as possible.

I finally open my eyes and squint, the sunlight is much brighter than I thought it would be. My eyes eventually adjust to the light and I look around the room.

Liv and Finn peer at me from chairs across the room. Finn looks apprehensive, while Liv just looks slightly annoyed.

I slowly drag my arm out from under her and make my way to the edge of the bed. A small cry escapes her lips and her brow furrows at the loss of contact. I still and wait to see if she will wake up. After a few seconds her face evens out and she turns away from me.

Now that I am on my feet, Liv motions with her head and we walk out of the room and into the hallway. She shuts the door slowly and turns to face me.

Through the small window on the door, I can see Finn get up and sit at the chair next to Amanda's bed.

Before she can say anything I hold up my hand "It's not what it looks like Liv."

An incredulous expression graces her face "Are you really going to sit here and tell me it isn't what it looks like? Do you think I'm a fool? How are you going to lie to my face, Nick?"

"Look she was crying, freaking out actually. The only way she would stop was if I held her, nothing more."

She scoffs "Nick don't pull that with me. Do you realize your job is possibly on the line? If IAB gets word of this you're canned, both of you!"

I can't help it, I am angry. I obviously know that our jobs are on the line. I'm just so tired and stressed, I can't stop the words before they leave me mouth. "Amanda and I aren't you and Elliot, Olivia. We aren't partners and we aren't pining for each other for how many years was it? 12?"

I regret the words as soon as they leave me mouth. Liv looks like she was hit by a bus.

"God Liv I am so sorry I didn't mean it, look I'm just really tired and stressed and I'm sorry. I know you want to turn us into IAB and that's fine, but let me do it, don't set her job on the line. She was just raped for God sakes."

"I am not going to turn you in" Liv leans in dangerously close "but I swear if you ever, ever talk to me like that again your job will be on the line, clear?"

She doesn't wait for a response; she turns back and walks into Amanda's hospital room.

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 **So next chapter will be mostly like this, about Amanda and her account of what happened. There will also be more crime things in it as well. I hope you liked this chapter, tell me if you didn't. Review if ya want, love you guys! OH AND IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS OR WANT SOMETHING SPECIFIC IN THIS STORY JUST LET ME KNOW.**


	4. The Aftermath Part 2

**Hey guys! Sorry its been a few days, but I told you I don't have internet every day! Your reviews have honestly made my life so much better, I love all the feedback! I love you guys! Oh I have a question, do you want me to do the traditional law and order scene change thing where it says like "apartment of sdfjsdf" or only when it pertains to the case? I'm going to try it out now as just the case.**

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 _I slip on my point shoes and stand upright. I wear a black leotard and a black tutu. I look around to realize I am back in my old dance studio in Georgia._

 _I am in my favorite room. The walls are lined with mirrors on one side; a large black ballet bar runs along the opposite wall. The walls are all black. On one of the side walls a silver ballerina is drawn dancing with a partner in wisps. It is beautiful._

 _When I look forward to the mirrors I am shocked to see I am not 18, but my current age. My hair is pulled up in a traditional bun._

 _I walk to the ballet barre and gently rest my hand on it, like I was trained. My studio excels in Russian ballet and that is how I was taught._

 _I feel giddy as I rise on my toes and go over my box. I haven't been on pointe in years. It doesn't make sense how I got back to Georgia and into the studio but I don't care._

 _I continue to rise on my toes and then back down flat. Once my confidence increases I ditch the bare and go back to the middle of the room._

 _Familiar music plays over the sound system and I smile. This was the last song I ever danced to. The melody is beautifully sad, a tribute to my dance career._

 _I remember it like it was yesterday. My last recital with the company. The solo was choreographed beautifully. It was tricky yet understated, elegant yet in your face. My tutu was an elegant black and white, and huge._

 _I can still remember the younger girls watching from the wings, tears were in their eyes and in mine._

 _The music gets to a familiar place and I instinctively start to dance. Muscle memory takes over and I am lost in the music._

 _I go to leap and it stops. I hear a noise to my left and smile. Nick walks in from the door and kisses me on the cheek. "You look beautiful Amanda."_

 _I smile and we are suddenly in the recital hall. I am wearing the black and white tutu. I am too shocked to do anything, but Nick isn't._

 _He takes my hand and spins me into him. He moves away and I rise onto my toes and tilt forward. This routine is new to me._

 _He spins me while I am on my toes and suddenly he has lifted me into the air. I giggle and he drops me down so we are face to face. He goes to kiss my lips but instead kisses my nose._

 _In a fast motion he spins me out and away from him. A typical tango move._

 _I feel his pull back and I spin back into his arms. I go to look into his eyes and I stifle a cry. It isn't nick._

 _Chief patton looks down a smiles at me. "Hello Amanda. How are you darlin?"_

 _I got to scream but I am spun back out again. I am still on my toes as I try and claw out of his grip, but once again I am pulled back into him._

 _This time I look up and it is not Nick or Patton, but Patrick. "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda" his voice makes me want to die._

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"Amanda, Amanda, Amanda" I move from my chair across the room to the chair next to her bed. 5 minutes ago she had started to move in her sleep, now she is flailing and crying. The names "Patton" and "Patrick" leave her lips.

I say it again "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda" as I reach out and touch her hand. My hair gets in my face and I have to pull it back into a pony tail. I'm not used to it being so long again.

She doesn't feel my hand on hers so I move it to her shoulder and shake. This time she feels it and her eyes bolt open.

Instead of continuing to thrash like I figured she would, she calms and sets her hand over mine. I think she can sense I am a girl, so she feels safe.

"Gee I'm sorry Liv, I really didn't mean to scare you like that. I get nightmares sometimes" she rolls her eyes and shakes her head "nothing to worry about, they happen sometimes." I notice her slowly trying to shake off my hand and move toward the other side of the bed. Her accent has become stronger.

"You don't have to apologize Amanda" my voice is soft, the one I use with victims. I remove my hand and set them in my lap. "Would you like me to tell me about your dream?" I am heartbroken to see her like this. She looks so confused, scared. Of course she's putting on a strong face.

She is at the other side of the bed now. "Not really, Liv. It was stupid. I'm fine honey, really I promise I am." Once again the accent comes out thicker.

I want to bring it up but decide to leave it alone. "Well I have good news, the doctor said once you wake up you can be discharged. The stitches in the back of your head will dissolve in a few days, so you're all set. Your ribs will be sore though."

That brought out a genuine smile "good, I hate these damn hospitals." Amanda turns to her left and finally notices the amount of flowers and balloons. Her face twists and she looks back at the ceiling, blinking multiple times to hold back tears.

"Where is Nick?" She tries to ask nonchalantly because she does not know that we know. It is cute how hard she is trying to keep her voice indifferent.

"He stepped out to get you both a cup of coffee. You can leave when he gets back, I'm sure you want him to take you home."

Her head snaps to mine and tilts to the side. I nod and so does she, understanding that we know.

The door opens and Nick steps in. His eyes immediately go to Amanda and a smile graces his lips. "You're awake?" He stoops down next to her bed and hands her the coffee giving her a quick kiss on her forehead.

I cough and they both turn to me, oblivious to my presence before. Before they can say anything I stand to leave. "I'll see both of you in a few days, not before then okay? If either of you walk into the squad room before Monday you're fired. Now if you excuse me, I have some people to interrogate." My voice is tuff but I wink at them before I walk out. It is Wednesday.

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Once Liv leaves Nick and I break out into laughter. He slides into the bed next to me and I automatically scoot closer to him.

We are silent for a second, but then start laughing even harder than before. I can tell Nick is pleased that I am laughing. For a second I feel fine, great actually.

"It's like we just got caught by your mother." I say in between gasping for breath. Nick responds by laughing even harder, it was true. That's how it felt.

For a few minutes we just lay there. His hand plays with my hair. I almost fall asleep I am so relaxed. The door opens and the doctor presents me with discharge forms.

While I sign them he watches me, pity plays over his face. I try to hide the disgust as I give back the forms.

"Alright, let's get you home." Nick stands first and walks to the other side of my bed. He holds out his hand and I take it.

I stand on my feet for the first time in days and quickly my vision starts to go. I start to sway.

"Woah, Woah" Nick catches me underneath my arms and holds me close to him.

For a second I think I am going to fall. I should have known Nick would catch me.

"I'm sorry Nick" my voice comes out weak and pitiful. I start to cry, I am good for nothing. I try and turn away but he grabs onto my wrists and spins me back to him. Not in a forceful way, not enough to make me panic.

He cradles my face "Amanda, shhh it's okay. It's okay. It's okay." He wraps his arms around me and I burrow my face his chest. "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."

I almost start to believe him.

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 **SVU precinct**

 **Wednesday, June 10** **th**

 **2:00 PM**

I slam down victim pictures from the last 5 rapes. It stings when Amanda's picture makes the victim number jump to 6.

Max Johnson sits on the other side of the metal table with a smirk on his face. Finn is standing against the far wall holding the bar. Frustration graces his features.

"Regina York, Amelia Montgomery, Spencer James, Cassidy Sanchez, Kelli Hastings, and Amanda Rollins" I sit down and push them closer towards him so he has to look at them "you're going to sit here and tell me you don't recognize any of them?"

They are all carbon copies of each other. Each looks almost identical to the next, small details make them stand out from each other. Amanda stands out the most; I'm not sure if it's because I know her or if she actually looks slightly different.

He touches each one of the pictures and looks back at me. "I don't know what to tell you, I guess I might have seen all of them. I mean they all look the same." He picks out Amanda's picture "except for her. She's got something about her, a certain sparkle. I like her."

Finn bounces off the wall and kicks the extra chair next to Max. "We have video of you talking to each and everyone one of them. See here's what we're thinking, you're an accomplice. Maybe you and Patrick pick out your girls together and you're his cover."

Max smile falters slightly but he remains confident. "I talk to a lot of girls in one night. Some of them come on to me and we go home together, I don't make anyone do anything."

I think for a few seconds. "If you still aren't willing to cooperate I guess we'll just have to search your apartment, maybe your office? How about your bar? These girls don't do anything willingly, GHB is found in their systems. If we connect you to the drugs then you go down for the rapes."

That seems to shake him up a little bit but he still doesn't say anything. "Suit yourself."

Finn and I walk out and see Barba standing on the other side of the glass.

Barba shoots me a look and I throw up my hand before he speaks. "Can you get those warrants or not?"

He lets out a breath and rolls his eyes "I can get them but you're walking on thin ice, Olivia. You have to be extra careful with this case. If it looks like you're suddenly pushing too hard then people will question whether you want justice for everyone or just Rollins."

I start to protest but this time he stops me "I'm not saying you are but everyone is too close to this case. We need a conviction so tread lightly. Do everything by the book, be extra careful."

I roll my eyes and Finn crosses his arms.

"And get Amanda in here ASAP for her statement. The club is shut down but I have a feeling Patrick will strike up new hunting ground." Without another word he turns on his heels and leaves

I turn to Finn "As soon as those warrants come through check his office, apartment, and bar. Something in there has to lead us to Patrick. I have to go talk to Amanda."

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 **Apartment of Max Johnson**

 **Wednesday, June 10** **th**

 **3:30 PM**

"Anything?" I shout at uniforms from across the apartment. We've been going through the place for hours.

The apartment was a good size and only a few blocks away from the club. I don't know how a night club manager can afford a place like this.

It had a modern feel- just like the office at the club. The same black and white design was present here as well.

"Detective, check this out" a fresh out of the academy cop approaches me. I distinctly remember his name being Rick Lopez. "I was checking out the book shelf because I thought something looked weird. A nightclub manager that enjoys reading encyclopedias? Nah. I was looking through this book and realized it's hollow."

He hands me the book and raises his eyebrows. I flip through the book with my gloved hands until I find the hole in the middle of the huge book.

Dozens of white capsules were in a small Ziploc bag. I can't help but smile as I pick up the plastic bag and look at the other officers.

"Let's collar the son of a bitch. Lopez good work, ride with me. Everyone else keep sweeping the apartment, when you're finished with the apartment double check it and then check the club. If you feel yourself getting tired run a few blocks or hit the crib, we can't miss anything."

I walk out of the apartment and hear Lopez follow me.

"Where are we going, sir?" He jogs to catch up with me, an eager puppy.

I laugh and go a little faster to see if he continues to try and keep up with me, he does. I slow down to give him some leeway. "First of all bro, don't call me sir. Call me Finn. Second, we're going to see Melinda Warner, when the test results come back we can arrest Max- if I don't kill him first."

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I help Amanda into her apartment and close the door behind us. She is still sore from the attack. The bruises are still as big and nasty as ever.

Frannie immediately rushes from the couch in the living room to Amanda's side. A smile appears on her face as she kneels to great her dog. "Hi baby, hey Frannie."

The dog lets out an excited whine and wiggles her tail faster.

Amanda looks up at me "did anyone take care of her while I was….." she doesn't finish the sentence. Pain washes over her face.

"I came over every day to feed and walk her, I hope you don't mind. Finn and Liv wanted to do it but I already had a spare key." I've had the key for a while now. I was thrilled when Amanda had given it to me. Since then I have wanted to tell her how I feel, but I stop short every time.

Amanda doesn't answer; she just looks up at me and smiles. She gives a quick nod and is back on her feet. "I'm going to go take a shower, help yourself to food in the fridge." Without another word she takes off.

It is sad, to see her like this. Distant, almost cold. I know the road to happiness won't be easy for her, but I plan to be here every step of the way.

I snap out of my thoughts and migrate towards the kitchen. It's been days since Amanda's eaten, not that she really has an appetite anymore.

I realize it's been a while since I have eaten as well.

I open the fridge and sigh, there's virtually nothing in here. Some peppers, Gatorade, and chicken. It's a miracle she's even alive.

I search the cabinets for anything else when I stumble upon rice. I smile and take the rice, chicken, and peppers.

After 45 minutes I've sautéed the chicken and peppers and put them over rice. I set the small table, and even light candles. The only thing missing is Amanda. I wait 15 more minutes before I start to worry.

The shower is still running, I can hear it occasionally squeak.

I walk to the bathroom door and knock. "Amanda are you alright?" When I get no answer dread starts to rise within me.

I slowly open the door as to not startle her. The small bathroom is filled with steam. Towels are thrown all over the bathroom floor.

The shower still runs and I can hear muffled crying. My heart breaks into a million pieces.

I pull back the shower curtain and see Amanda sitting in the bottom of the tub. She doesn't address me, but continues to stare at the bottom of the tub.

She is fully clothed, blue jeans turn black; the white shirt clings to her.

"Amanda" I try again softly but she still doesn't register my voice. She is drowning in pain while the rest of us are swimming.

I step into the tub in front of her and feel the spray of water now hitting my back. With the loss in heat she finally looks up at me.

"You've got to get out while you still can Nick, I'm a mess. A good for nothing mess." Tears fill her sky blue eyes.

I scoot her forward and slip behind her so that my back is against the tub and her head is in my chest. "Amanda I don't want to go anywhere, I am right where I want to be."

She cries and cries, and then suddenly she stops. She starts to claw at her skin.

"I can feel him on me, I can feel him on me" she madly scratches any surface without clothing "help me clean him off of me HELP ME." Her eyes are wide as she continues to try and clean away his touch.

Her eyes dart back and forth and she scoots into the corner of the tub. I suddenly notice how hot the water actually is.

"HELP ME GET HIM OFF OF ME." She screeches in an animalistic voice. She is scratching at her face now, her arms, her feet, anywhere.

I jump up and drag her with me. I slowly start to peel off her clothing and search for any resistance. But she is off again somewhere else, a dreamy look on her face.

I leave her bra and underwear on; I don't want her to get flashbacks at my account. Water drips down her face as she stares at me, trembling. In a weird way I don't think she has ever looked more beautiful.

The scratching begins again and I hand her the soap and a wash cloth. She washes and washes and washes her skin and I help her, anything to make her feel better.

The soap circles the drain and goes down, along with her tears.

After the fourth time she is content.

We assume our position and lay back down in the tub. I stroke her hair and kiss her head.

"I'm sorry Nick" I can hear guilt laced in her words. It makes me sick, not are her but at the situation. She shouldn't have to feel guilty. She begins to cry again.

"It's okay Amanda shhh it's okay. I love you Amanda, I love you." I wait for a response but I don't get one, her breathing levels and I realize she is asleep.

I wait for a few minutes and then I lift her out of the shower and take her to her room. Slowly I take off her wet clothes and put her in one of my big t-shirts that she always sleeps in.

I take one for myself and crawl into bed next to her. I hold her close to me and drift off, food forgotten.

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 **THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! Sorry the update took me so long, review if you want, love you guys! Oh and we'll see it from Patricks point of view again next chapter!**


	5. emotional explosion

Love all of you! Oh and I got a question about Carisi, I don't really think he's needed in this story so I won't have him in it. I like him but I don't think he would really play an important role. Anyway, heres another chapter

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 **SVU precinct**

 **Thursday, June 11** **th**

 **10:00 AM**

I walk across the squad room with my head pointed down and Nick by my side. His arm is around my waist and I can't tell if it's for moral support or literal support.

The room is silent. I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Of course they know what happened. I feel Nick tighten his grip around my waist.

Liv had called this morning saying they need to take my statement, it is Thursday. I feel stupid that I actually thought I could avoid this place until Monday.

We continue to walk to my desk as those around us stare. Their movement have stilled all together.

"Don't you all have something better to do?" Nick's loud voice startles me and I jump. His hand instantly reaches to my face to calm me down.

His hand dulls the beating of my heart against my chest.

The squad room comes back to life and is once again filled with noisy cops.

I sit down at my desk and take it in. It feels weird to be back at the precinct. I stare at my monitor unseeing.

The last time I was here came flashing back. The uneasy feeling, the short dress. I remember feeling so, so cold.

It was stupid of me to not listen to my gut feeling. I have always listened to my gut, the onetime I don't this is what I get.

It is my stupid, dumb ass fault I'm in this positon.

"Amanda" Liv calls out from behind me. Her voice is apprehensive.

I don't turn around, I physically can't. My vision is fixated on the dark computer screen. It's almost as if I can see the last time I was here on my screen, like a show or a movie.

A hand clamps down on my shoulder and finally I turn.

Liv peers down on me with a concerned look on her face. I can tell she feels pity; she looks at me like I'm a fragile glass doll.

"Are you alright?" She continues to stare down at me like I'll crack at any second. Like maybe I'll start shooting up the place, which would be impossible. They fucking took my gun.

I smile and stand, Nick has been leaning on my desk.

"Of course I am darlin'. Let's get this over with yeah?"

Of course she isn't convinced but she nods and Nick and I follow her to the interview room.

I had been in here hundreds of times taking hundreds of statements from women who have been raped, women like me.

I shudder at that thought.

The room feels dirty now, too small. I feel unsafe, but can't explain why. I am probably in the safest room in the city, all these cops around. I find that I have to remind myself that I am also a cop.

I notice that Barba is standing on the other side of the room. The corners of his mouth lift a little in a sad attempt to smile. I fake a weak smile back.

Barba is the only one who really knows what Patton did to me. I can still feel his uneasiness around me. I just feel embarrassed. I'm sure he thinks I'm a slut.

Nick and I take a seat next to each other at the table. Liv sits across from us with a recorder.

I stare at the recorder until I register that Olivia is talking to me.

"I need you to tell me what happened that night Amanda. Take your time."

I hesitate a few seconds. I have never been in this position before. I usually sit on the other side of this table. Suddenly I feel very weak. The fact that my hair is in a messy bun and I'm wearing one of Nicks oversized sweaters and a pair of jeans probably doesn't toughen up my appearance.

"I, um" I stumble over my words as my eyes dart around the room. I have a new respect for victims. Nick pulls my chair closer to his and starts to play with my hair. I feel instantly relaxed.

Barba exchanges a glance with Liv but doesn't say anything; he was kept out of the loop.

"I walked into the club and instantly my connection with you guys is cut. I could make out some things but not a lot. I heard Finn say he is coming my way though. He pulled me towards the dance floor and we started dancing. I could tell he was frustrated that I was semi resistant. We started to dance and he kissed me. I kind of just stood there and he got more frustrated. He said **"Why are you so shy my love? You're beautiful and you're mine."** I remember that distinctively."

My voice takes on a clinical tone. Almost as if it didn't happen to me, but to someone else. I feel detached.

Nick is shifting in his seat, uncomfortable and a little angry. I feel bad; he probably shouldn't be in here. He wants to support me but I don't want him to feel bad.

"Go ahead" Liv gently prompts me and grabs my hand from across the table.

I nod and start again.

"He said **"Let's go get you a drink huh baby? Maybe then you'll loosen up and show me some love."** And we walked to the bar. I remember his arms were around me tight, so I couldn't move if I wanted to. He ordered our drinks- vodka tonics and said " **I know how sluts like you love their vodka tonics."** I don't even like vodka. The bartender winked when he made our drinks, he must have drugged me with something."

Liv nods "GHB was found in your system as well as in his apartment."

I nod and look down at the table. I can't believe I was drugged and fucking raped.

My hand graces over the bruises on my face subconsciously. They hadn't healed; if possible they look even worse.

Nick makes his presence known and I continue.

"He led me away from the bar and off to a dark corner, no one else was there. I should have asked to dance again I should have left I should have…" I trail off and stare out the door. It's all my fault.

Liv takes my other hand now "Amanda it is not your fault, you have to stop blaming yourself." Her voice is overly stern, but at the same time friendly.

A tear escapes my eyes and I look at the ceiling and try to blink away the tears before more come.

"I took a few sips of the drink and started to feel weird. I tried to leave but he grabbed me and slammed me against the wall. When he picked me up and led me away his hand slipped under my dress and he felt the wire. He said **"So you're a cop are you? Good. They can listen to what I'm about to do to you. No one's coming for you sweetheart, it's gonna be just the two of us."** I started to cry but he said **"None of that darling. Let's get out of here yeah? The real fun is about to begin….. trust me."** "

I shake my head and stare blankly at a wall "I don't know how I remember everything, I thought, I thought I was supposed to forget it. Did he not give me enough?" I ask the question to no one in particular. No one answers me anyway.

"I kept crying and crying but no one would answer me. He led me to a dark corner, I thought it was just a random corner but he moved a black curtain and pushed me through the door. I was praying that it was the back alley because Finn would be there, but it wasn't."

Liv shoots forward in her seat and looks at me. "There was another room?" Her and Nick look at each other and then back to me. "So that's where he took you. How did we not know about it?"

I don't answer. My cheeks are burning red. I feel so embarrassed.

"I fell against the wall and tried to get up; he slammed me against it and then threw me on the bed. He pinned my wrists above my head and then straddled my waist…"

I trail off and zone out. I can feel his arms on my wrists, his weight on my chest. My breathing starts to pick up and tears fall down my face. I am distantly aware that Nick is trying to get me to turn to him.

Nick hits his finger against my nose and whispers "come back cutie." I turn my head and he smiles at me. I look down at the table.

"Amanda, you can continue."

I flash Liv a heated look and point my eyes down again. She certainly isn't being very considerate.

"He tried to guess my name. He went from Amy to Amelia to Addison to Amanda. When he realized my name was Amanda he kept whispering it over and over again. He said **"I promise you will remember me for the rest of your life."**

I start to shake uncontrollably and I'm not even halfway done. I feel ashamed that I am acting so weak. A victim. A slut.

"He ripped off my dress and called me a filthy whore because I was wearing black lacey underwear and a matching bra. I just pretended I was somewhere else, which worked until I felt him take off my bra and underwear." I am sobbing now; my words are barley getting out.

Nick pulls me from my chair onto his lap. I bury my face in his chest and cry. His hand cradles the back of my head. "Does she have to do this?" His voice is desperate because he knows I have to.

Liv shakes her head "I'm sorry Nick but you know she does." Her voice is more forceful than necessary.

My body is vibrating against Nicks. He strokes my face and I turn around but stay in his lap. I don't care that I'm sitting in his lap. Liv and Barba can kiss my ass.

"Um he slapped me and then started to rape me. I guess I screamed pretty loud because he had to get off of me and clamp his hand down on my mouth. He said **"SHUT THE FUCK UP, WHORE. YOU'RE MY BITCH NOW** ". I could hear Nick yelling through the earpiece. I kept screaming so he strangled me until I was unconscious, then I woke up in the hospital." I bite my lip and shrug. It was my fault.

The room is silent when I finish. Nick is grabbing the chair so hard his knuckles turn white.

Barba is trying to nonchalantly wipe a stray tear.

"Is that everything you need?" I talk to Liv in a snarky voice. I can't help but feel angry at her. She doesn't know how I'm feeling and yet she acts like we're having a casual conversation, like it should be easy for me.

Nick scooped me up and placed me on the ground. His hand is in mine. "We're going to leave now. Thanks so much for this Liv."

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I walk past her apartment and smile. Her car is no longer on the sidewalk; she must be at the station.

I walk into the building and slide by the doorman and walk up to her apartment. With no one around I can pick the lock and get into the apartment safely.

It smells like her, I inhale it. I miss her.

I miss the feel of her body against mine, her baby blue eyes staring into mine.

My feet lead me to her bedroom. It is a reasonably sized room with a large mahogany bed and clothes strewn everywhere. There are wet towels and clothes on the floor.

They smell like her. Her smell is intoxicating.

She is like a drug and I am going through withdrawl.

I cringe when I see men's clothing all over the place. Her boyfriend must stay here. Nick Amaro.

I will have to get rid of him at some point. She doesn't love him, she loves me.

It took me a while to find out his name, but now I know it. I know her full name too, Amanda Rollins.

I smile when I remember what Amanda and I did together. We consummated our love. There is now way he is okay with her cheating on him. He will dump her and she will come crawling back to me.

Soon she will be mine. We will get married and have children. Until then, I will have to find others to fill her place. It will be difficult, but it might be possible.

I pick up some pairs of underwear and stuff them in my pocket. Being away from her pains me, I need something to get through it.

I hear nails scratch against the floor and look down to see a dog staring at me.

Powerful barks echo throughout the small apartment. The dog bares its teeth and starts to back me into a corner.

"Here doggy dog, its okay dog." I hate dogs.

The dog does not let up; the barks continue to get more aggressive. I grab the umbrella next to me and strike it multiple times.

It lets out a few whines but stills. I take the opportunity to flee from the bedroom and run out of the apartment.

When I turn to slam the door I see the dog start to lunge at me. With the door closed I hear the dog hit the door and turn and leave.

"Soon enough Amanda, soon enough."

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 **SVU precinct**

 **Thursday, June 11** **th**

 **10:47 AM**

Nick and I walk out of the room and start to exit the squad room. I hear a commotion and turn around and see Finn and the bar tender.

Finn is leading him away and Liv is trying to usher them out another door. The bartender starts to complain and then locks his eyes with mine.

I pale dramatically and my body stiffens. My fists clench and blood pumps through my veins.

Nick turns and sees why I stopped. His grip tightens on my arm but I hardly feel it.

I charge at him like I never have before. My fists are punching his face and my hands are around his neck faster than anyone can react.

"YOU DRUGGED ME YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU LET HIM RAPE ME. I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL YOU MOTHER FUCKER."

I feel powerful and strong as I continue to choke him. "IT'S WEIRD RIGHT, BEING CHOKED. YOU THINK YOUR LUNGS ARE SCREAMING FOR OXYGEN BUT REALLY IT'S YOUR BRAIN. YOUR HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING, PEANUT SIZED BRAIN."

Hands are grabbing at me to try and pull him off but I have adrenaline running through my veins, I am stronger than them at this moment.

The bartender flails and tries to shake me off.

I have never felt this crazy, this animalistic. i exploded.

Liv and Nick both rip me off of him and drag me away. I jump and fight against them, screaming bloody murder. My hair is in my face and my eyes are wild.

"YOU ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL YOU SON OF A BITCH. DO I LOOK SCARED NOW YOU MOTHER FUCKER, I'M COMING AFTER YOU." I continue to fight their arms. Nick and Liv both have their arms holding mine back.

Finally Nick ends up picking me up. He lifts me up as I continue to scream and thrash.

Finn is holding the bartender back.

There is a grin on his face. "I hope he did you hard, I hope you never forget about it. Apparently you're a dirty little slut, the best he's ever had."

I rip out of Nick's arms and lunge at him again but they were expecting it. Liv throws me behind her and Nick scoops me off my feet and struggles into Liv's office.

I am kicking and punching but his grip on my waist is strong.

"LET GO OF ME" I screech at the top of my lungs and Nick drops me. I charge away from him and start to pace the office. I don't realize I am crying until my eyes start to sting.

The back of my head throbs, as well as my few fractured ribs.

Nick watches me out of breath from the other side of the room. A few minutes later Liv and Finn walk in.

"Amanda I am so sorry" Finn approaches me and I jump away from him. He takes the hint and takes a few steps back. "I had no idea you were here, otherwise I wouldn't have tried to move him I swear to God Amanda."

His voice is desperate; he needs me to know that he didn't do it on purpose.

I am too angry to answer, I continue to pace behind the desk. My fists and teeth are clenched.

"Amanda what the hell was that?" Liv's voice is so harsh that everyone looks up.

I make eye contact with her and scoff "What was that, what was that? SCREW YOU OLIVIA. YOU HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING INSENSITIVE THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE GOD DAMN PROCESS. EVEN WITH FUCKING PATTON YOU DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT, WHY ARE YOU SO GOD DAMN TOUGH ON ME. I WAS RAPED TWO DAYS AGO, BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER DOES IT?" I get into her face and scream. I know I should care but I don't, I'm too damn angry.

I feel Nick start to tug on my arm and I back up and into his embrace.

"AMANDA I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY. YOU WERE RAPED ON MY WATCH, ON MY DAMN WATCH. DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT MAKES ME FEEL? YOU ARE MY RESPONSIBILITY. MINE AND I LET YOU GET RAPED." Liv breathes heavy and then turns around. Her hands slide through her hair and she turns back around.

"I'm sorry Amanda, I've been taking it out on you and I'm sorry."

I don't say anything I first. I let my breathing calm and my fists unclench. When I finally do answer I am shocked to discover that my voice is tired, weak.

"I'm sorry too, Liv. So god damn sorry."

Without another word I turn to go, Nick right on my heels.

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" **The Underground" Club**

 **Upper East Side**

 **Thursday, June 11** **th**

 **1:23 PM**

I walk into the dark club. It had been shut down right after Amanda's rape.

Uniforms patrol the room waiting to be instructed. I walk to the center of the room and it silences. Cops crowd around me and wait for directions.

"Last time this club has searched it wasn't searched hard enough. It's not entirely your fault. We were given a false blueprint. Search every single damn corner of this club. There is a room hidden behind a curtain somewhere on the left side as given to us by the security cameras, find it. When you find it yell for me, do not enter without me. Look for ANY evidence in the meantime. GO."

I yell the last word and everyone starts to scramble. Finn joins the search and I walk back to Max's office. There has to be something we missed.

Again I am struck by how expensive the taste is.

I continue to look through documents that had already been examined. GHB had been found in the desk as well as in his apartment, linking him to the drugs.

The desk drawers creak when I open them. I find nothing, I knew I would.

There is just bunch of financial papers and other random things. Condoms, gum, staplers, and iPhone chargers. Lovely.

I sit back in the chair and put my brown hair up. I close my eyes and think.

Where would I hide information I didn't want anyone to find? Putting my mind in the head of the rapist always makes me anxious.

My eyes pop open and I spring out of the chair. I sit on the floor and turn so I am under the desk. A single piece of paper is taped to the bottom.

I rip the paper off and crawl back from under the desk. I frown when I realize it is only a small piece of paper.

The front is blank, not a single word is written on it.

I turn it over and my eyes widen. "Son of a bitch"

 _Patrick Fitzgerald_

 _212-785-2399_

 _4100 W 59_ _th_ _street, apartment 3C_

A noise in the doorway makes me turn. Finn stands there out of breath.

"We found the room Liv."

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 **Thanks for reading, leave suggestions/ reviews below. Love you all soooo much!**


	6. The Dress

**4100 W 59th street, apartment 3C**

 **Upper East Side**

 **Friday, June 12th**

 **4:00 PM**

The crime scene was processed accordingly. Semen was found on the bed sheets as well as multiple fibers.

After that was complete Finn and I got in my car and took off.

We pull up to the curb and get out. I look around impressed at the size of the apartments and the cleanliness of the streets. Even the air smelt clean, no trace of harmful fumes.

Everything looks modern and elegant.

The apartment building itself is also expensive looking. I don't think I would be able to afford a place in here. Finn and I exchange a look as we continue to the elevator. There are only 10 floors.

Backup remains outside; we didn't want to tip off Patrick. Just thinking his name makes me cringe.

We reach apartment 3C and knock. There isn't a single sound coming from the other side of the door. I already have my gun drawn; Finn is only seconds behind me.

"We're coming in Mr. Fitzgerald." There is no response. I motion with my eyes towards the door and I kick it in just below the lock like I was taught.

I have always loved kicking in doors. The action makes me feel powerful, untouchable; especially so when we could have Amanda's attacker in a matter of minutes.

The door slams and a groan is let out in protest. It smacks against the closest wall and we move in. I get to about the middle of apartment when I drop my hands and let out a few choice curse words.

The apartment was empty. There was virtually nothing in the living room or kitchen.

Sunlight streams in from large bay windows, the wooden floors gleam and the white walls are practically shinning.

I feel Finn stop next to me. "Son of a bitch. He cleared out." We both look around in wonder. Now we have to interview everyone who could have possibly seen him moving out.

We both shake our head and continue our sweep. He goes to the left I go to the right.

I find myself in a large master bedroom. Just like all of the other rooms, it is completely empty.

There is a large closet on the other side of the room and I cross to it. A bad feeling snakes its way up the pit of my stomach.

With a deep breath I open it and instantly stagger back a few steps. Vomit tries to force its way out, but I hold it back.

"Finn" I weakly hear myself call. Within seconds he has rushed to my side.

"Mother Fucker" is all he can say. He puts a hand on my arm to steady me. Once he is certain I am fine he turns and punches a hole in the way.

I can't find the strength to protest.

There is not a single article of clothing, just hundreds of the same picture taped on the interior of the closet. There was not a single surface without a picture on it.

Amanda's naked and beaten body is on a bed. Her eyes are closed; hand marks are around her neck. Son of a bitch took pictures of her.

I didn't even register that Finn had left until he called my name. Somehow I found the strength to walk across the apartment and find where he was.

Off in another spare bedroom, Finn stands with a closet open. In this one, it is a different picture. It is one of Amanda crossing the street. A single sticky note with the words "your move" is written on it.

"He's been stalking her" is all he says.

This time it's my turn to punch the closest wall.

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I walk down the street with a smile on my face. I had left just in time.

Olivia Benson's car is parked across from my building. They had finally found me; now the game can begin.

I try and stifle a laugh as Olivia and Finn come out of the building looking upset. They talk to the closest officers and get in the car. As they drive away I walk away.

They have underestimated me.

I begin to whistle as I call a cab to take me to my new apartment. It was a great buy and all in cash too.

My new apartment is just as beautiful, if not more. It was a big decision to move, but ultimately I think it is for the best.

I pay and get out of the cab. My 300 dollar shoes almost scuff the curb. I would have been very upset. My whole outfit costs more than most are worth.

But not her, oh god no not her.

My fellow tenants smile and wave, I wave back. If only they knew who they were waving to.

My picture has been on the news 24/7. Apparently my nickname is "The upper east side club racist." I feel like they could have done better than that. No way Amanda came up with that. She is much smarter than that cliché name.

I unlock my front door and walk into my new home. All of my furniture is already set up for me.

It is a large space with an open layout. Sunlight filters in through the windows to my left. The kitchen is to my left as well.

The walls are painted an obnoxious blue color. I hate the color blue. Unless she loves it, then I love it to.

It isn't the color of her eyes; no those are deep like the ocean. Filled with emotion and spunk. My pulse races whenever I think of her.

It is how my eyes are now. I purchased colored contacts that closely resemble her color. I also dyed my hair a light brown. Can't have strangers recognizing me now can we?

Not when I still have so much to do.

I peer out my window and smile. I think I might have the best view in all of New York City. A blonde head pokes out of a car that has just parked across the street.

My heart goes wild just at the sight of her head. Eventually all of her is visible. She is so beautiful it takes my breath away.

She is wearing a brown leather jacket with black jeans and black mini boots. Her hair is down and I can practically feel its softness.

A scowl rises on my face as I see who she is with. Nick Amaro steps out from the driver's side and hooks his arm around her waist. Even worse, she doesn't pull away. In fact she rests his head against his shoulder.

I am disgusted. How dare she hurt me like this? That's okay; I will forgive her when she apologizes. I always will.

In the meantime I grab my jacket and leave. I have a hunt to begin.

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Nick leaves to go get groceries. He doesn't want me to leave him alone but I force him to.

I feel his absence as soon as he leaves. Almost like a part of me is missing. I feel both relieved and scared. The pull into the darkness is alluring.

I stand in my living room for a while. The silence is haunting. When I was a child I use to like the quiet. Living with Kim there wasn't much of it. Now I hate it, it gives me time to think. My demons swim to the surface when it is quiet.

I try and distract myself. I rush into my room and start to clean. I pile clothes onto my bed that I don't like, which remind me of HIM. There's a good pile on my bed and I start to feel better.

My breathing slows down and the silence doesn't hurt so much. I still feel the pain but I can manage.

I go to check my closet again but Frannie whines. "What's wrong baby girl?" She's been acting weird lately. Hardly getting up when I walk in and shying away from me.

This time she comes right up to my limping. I suddenly notice a red mark on her face and abdomen. "Frannie what happened to you?" I am disgusted I didn't notice it sooner. I've been so wrapped up in myself I didn't even see what was wrong with my dog.

I get a bad feeling. These injuries didn't happen when I walked her, the walks have been short. She only wanted to walk a few steps until she turned back around. Someone must have been in the apartment.

My gut wrenches, it was him. He was in my apartment. "Did you try and attack him?" I ask into her face. Her eyes seem to be saying yes but I might just be going crazy. "Good girl."

Nothing else was disturbed though; I might actually just be crazy. Nick walks her sometimes; maybe she just got into a fight with another dog.

I physically shake my head to rid myself of the thought. I send Frannie to my bed and go back towards the closet. Frannie's previous warning forgotten.

I open it up and realize how many clothes I took out. The closet is almost half empty.

Something sparkles at the back of it and my eyebrows come together. I don't own many ritzy clothes.

Curiosity gets the better of me and I move into my closet to get a better look. I touch the fabric and my eyes pop wide open. I rip it off its hangers and throw it onto my bed.

Tears instantly start to stream down my face and stain my black button up shirt. How could someone keep this dress, how could someone put it in my closet.

My hands lift to my head and I start to make animalistic noises. The flashbacks start and I slide to the floor and start to shake. That dress, I remember what happened in that dress.

All of a sudden I am angry, I think. I hop up and start throwing things around the room. The lamp cracks against the wall and I am still crying and screaming.

I don't know how long it goes on but I suddenly can't take it. Frannie is crying on the bed. I need to get out of here.

I storm out of the apartment and run. I just run in a random direction until I can't breathe anymore.

I bend over and try to catch my breath; I don't even realize it is dark outside.

Once I can breathe again I stand up and look around me. I don't recognize where I am but I don't care, I see a bar across the street. I am exactly where I want to be.

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I am driving down the street when I see a girl sitting on the sidewalk. She is clinging onto the closest pole for dear life.

I have to do a double take and I realize it is Amanda. I pull over and hop out of the car.

"LIV! YOU'RE HERE!" Amanda hops up to greet me but sits back down when she gets dizzy. Her voice is loud and warm, her words slur heavily. She has had waaay to much to drink.

I walk towards her and grab her elbow to help her stand up. She giggles and sways when she stands. "Amanda honey how much have you had to drink?"

She looks the other way and doesn't answer. She seems fixated on the stop sign across the street.

I try again "Amanda?" This time she looks and puts a smile on her face.

"Oh I don't really know, the guys in there just kept buying me drinks. I just HAAAD to get away you know. Nick went out for groceries and then there was quiet. So much quiet you know? It was killer. I was dying. Then I tried to clean to be productive but then I found it. THE DRESS. Who put it in my closet? That's just not nice you know not nice at all. And Frannie is hurt and I think he was in my apartment, but I'm crazy right? OH LOOK A CAT." Her voice starts happy and then sad, and then happy again.

My grip on Amanda wasn't strong enough because she darts across the street to chase a stray cat. I scream her name and run after her, she is entirely oblivious to the car speeding towards her.

In a last burst of strength I push Amanda forward and roll on the ground with her. The car goes speeding by with a few honks and was gone.

I lie on the ground and breathe heavily. Adrenaline continues to pump through my veins. We are still lying in the road, just on the other side of it.

I get to my feet and drag Amanda off of the road. "Are you crazy? Amanda you could have been killed." I try and hide the anger in my voice but to be honest I don't care. We both could have just been roadkill.

Her fun demeanor is gone leaving behind a sad, honest personality. Tears are going down her face.

"I…I'm sorry Liv. I'm a mess. A fucking jumbled mess. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." She just keeps repeating the fact that she's sorry. I fight the urge to cry.

She turns to leave but I grab onto her arm pull her into a hug and then across the street to my car. The cat she saw sits next to the passenger side. A smile lines her face as she reaches down and picks up the cat.

It is black and white, and incredibly fluffy. It purrs as Amanda picks it up and pets it. "Hi kitty kitty, want to go home?" Her voice is still slurred heavily but the cat seems to enjoy it. It purrs loudly and cuddles into her chest.

I open the passenger side door and help them in. When I get into the car the cat continues to sit on Amanda's lap but Amanda is knocked out.

I can't see her breathing.

"Amanda, Amanda can you hear me?" I have no idea how much she drank tonight but I know it's a lot. I pray for the first time in years that Amanda doesn't have alcohol poisoning.

I reach across the seat and try to find her pulse. It's faint, but it's there. A sigh of relief comes to the surface and I turn onto the road and start to drive.

I can tell that she is shivering and I turn on the heat. It's been unusually cold at night for June.

After a while she wakes up again. "Look at all the lights Liv. It's so beautiful. So pretty." Her eyes are mesmerized; her voice is filled with wonder. "Say Liv how did you find me?" I try not to laugh when she looks towards me with an overdramatic expression on her face.

"I was driving home and I saw you. Good thing huh?" I playfully tap her arm but she shrinks away from me, the damn cat still on her lap. I hate cats, and I hope Noah does too.

There's no way I'm getting him a cat.

New tears start to run down her face "Oh I'm sorry Liv you want to go home to your baby. Just drop me off now and my cat and I will walk home. Home, oh no Nick. He went to get groceries and I left. He probably hates me, is probably worried sick. Will you please take me home?"

I wrinkle my face when I hear she wants to go home. I was going to bring her to my place. I wanted her to start to trust me. I didn't want Nick to see her like this, though I don't think he would care. He's smitten with her.

"Okay Amanda if that's where you want to go."

The rest of the drive is silent as she switches off from staring out the window and crying incoherent nonsense. The poor girl is wounded. Maybe tomorrow I'll recommend that she goes to see a counselor, that won't go over well but it's worth a shot.

I pull into a spot across from her building. It takes a good 10 minutes to get her out but it eventually happens.

I lace my hand around her arm and we stumble in together. She doesn't weigh that much but having to hold her up is physically draining. She's 90 pounds soaking wet but she's a fighter.

That damn cat is still in her arms. It takes some coaxing but I finally get her apartment number out of her and we get on the elevator.

It is sad that I have to ask what her apartment number is; I've never been here before. I've been to all of the other detectives homes. I silently reprimand myself for not trying to bond to the youngest detective on my squad. Instead I've pushed her away, told her she isn't trustworthy. To be honest I am surprised that she is letting me help her.

When we finally get to her apartment I go to knock but she pulls my hand away and does it herself. There's Amanda.

Nick automatically opens the door with wild eyes and lets out a sigh. "Thank God, Amanda where were you?" He grabs onto both of our arms and pulls us inside. "I was getting ready to call you Liv I was going out of my mind."

"I was driving home and found her outside of a bar. She told me she had to get out of the apartment because she saw the dress she wore…. That night. I don't know who put it in the closet but get rid of it. Now."

He nods and then looks towards Amanda with concerned eyes. She is avoiding his gaze. "Are you alright Amanda? Are you okay? I was so worried. Is that what happened?"

Amanda shifts back and forth on her feet. She finally looks up and smiles sheepishly at Nick. "I found a cat, can we keep it?" She sounds very young, almost childish.

Nick smiles and pulls her into him. He latches an arm around her neck and kisses her head. "I've always wanted a cat."

I decide to not ruin the moment by telling them the latest update in the case. I turn to leave but Nick grabs onto my arm.

"We have to talk, I'll come in tomorrow. And thank you so much Liv, really thank you." I nod and walk out of the apartment.

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 **Sorry its taken me so long to update, my classes have been grueling. As always thanks for reading and review if ya want** **it'll pick up again soon I promise**


	7. Bethany

**All of your reviews mean the world to me. Seriously you guys keep me going! Love all of you!**

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I knock on the door nervously. My hands begin to sweat as the seconds tick by. Nick had convinced me to do this, and I don't know why I let him.

I suppose I felt bad for running away from the apartment and getting hammered. Plus, I brought a stray cat home. I smile fondly when I think of the morning after.

 _I lay on the couch with the cat on my stomach. She (I had to verify the gender) purrs loudly and it sends tickles down my body._

 _Frannie has actually adjusted better than expected. They haven't gotten into it yet, thank God._

 _Nick is sitting on the opposite side of the couch petting Frannie who sits on the floor. My feet lay across his lap. His free hand strokes my leg._

" _What about patches?" Nick's strong voice fills the room and I look over at him with a smile. I can't help the chuckle that escapes my throat._

 _I felt a surge of happiness whenever Nick was near me. I can't explain it. Once we break contact I am fussy, depressing thoughts fill my head. Even with him though, I can feel the thoughts on the edge of my mind; Fighting to break free from the temporary cage. Or maybe I'm just happy because I am still slightly drunk._

" _No offense Nick, but that's the dumbest name I've ever heard. Patches, really? Are you five?" I laugh again and continue to pet the unnamed cat._

 _He fakes a hurt expression "Well I'd like to see you do better. We're not naming the damn thing Oreo."_

 _I look over at him and scrunch up my face. "I wasn't going to say Oreo. What about..." my attention is suddenly drawn to the background noise of the TV. A cartoon woman appears on screen. Her hair is half black and half white. My smile grows wider. "Cruella, we'll name the cat Cruella Devil."_

 _Nick seems to mull it over. It is in fact perfect. The cat is half black and half white separated straight down the middle._

" _Cruella….. I like it."_

I snap back to the present when I hear movement on the other side of the door. My pulse starts to quicken as the door is opened.

"Amanda, what are you doing here? Are you okay?" Liv stands on the other side of the door with a surprised look gracing her features. Noah is on her hip and he stares at me with unfiltered curiosity.

I force a smile on my face and nod "Oh yeah I'm fine. I threw out half my closet last night and I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping…. With me." The words sound foreign on my tongue. Never have I ever asked another woman to go shopping with me.

I hate shopping… unless I'm in the mood for it. Right now I am certainly not.

Liv looks taken aback "Oh, well okay yeah of course! Here take Noah for a second and I'll get dressed. My nanny is off on Saturdays so I hope you don't mind that he comes with us."

She hands me Noah and ushers me into the apartment, closing the door behind us.

For having a toddler her apartment is spotless. A few toys and baby blankets are on the couch but other than that nothing is out of place.

"No that's fine" I have to raise my voice because Liv is already out of the room and heading to change; I vaguely register a response.

I bounce Noah up and down on my hip, he might be the cutest child I've ever seen. I've always liked children. When I was young I used to want a bunch of kids but now I'm not so sure. I don't want to pass on my screwy antics to innocent children.

Then there's the fact that the world is so unbelievably horrible. Would I really want to raise a child in such a place? Expose a bundle of joy to the cruel world? I deal with cringe worthy things on a daily basis, why in the world would I want my child to be exposed to them?

"Sorry about that" Liv gushes as she comes back in "I have a habit of shoving Noah into people's arms." She has changed into blue jeans and a red blouse, brown hair up in a ponytail. It may be the most casual I have ever seen her dress.

She reaches out and I hand over her son. She maneuvers him to her hip like a pro. In a flurry of movement Noah was in a stroller and Liv was by the door with a fake smile that I couldn't read "Ready to go?"

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We shop in silence. I don't really know where to go so Liv drives us to a place and I follow dutifully.

It's a cute little shop that I never would have gone into if I was by myself. The floor is a cherry red mahogany and the walls are a royal blue. White tea lights frame the ceiling of the entire store.

Cheery blonde girls greet us as we walk in. They all fawn over Noah and Liv smiles and laughs along. I don't know how she does that; I would swat them away from my child.

After the girls (there are 3 of them) finish their sales pitch, we start to browse the store. I can tell Liv is holding something back. Every time we speak it looks as though she wants to say more, but doesn't.

Liv is talking as she holds up a black button down shirt "How about this? I know you might not like it at first but why don't you go try it on and….."

I put down the shirt I am looking at and stare her dead in the eyes. "Liv, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so blunt but do you have something to say to me?" My voice comes out harsher than I mean it to but I'm tired of people tiptoeing around me.

"Amanda….." she is at a loss for words and squirms under my gaze. She looks down at Noah as if hoping he starts to fuss to give her a way out. I don't relent.

After a few minutes go by I let out a breath and turn to leave. I feel her grab my arm and rotate me around. I flinch and jump a few feet back. Her touch burns my wrist.

I don't notice that my eyes are wild and my breathing has increased until I back up into one of the sales women.

"Oh sweetie are you okay?" Her straight blonde hair frames her face and her blue eyes peer down at me with a mixture of concern and curiosity. If I didn't know any better I would think we were sisters.

I move a few steps back and smile and nod. She leaves my side unconvinced.

"Amanda" Livs voice startles me as it is right behind me now. Again I go to jump back but this time she has a better grip on my arm and pulls me into a hug.

It's strange, to be hugging my boss as I am now. We have never been close. Like ever.

I stiffen but eventually I concede and melt into her arms. After a few minutes and quite a few stares we break apart and I go to pick up Noah. I feel calmer with him in my arms.

All of a sudden she breaks her smile and looks me in the eyes "He's been following you, Amanda. We found his address and went to pay him a visit but he wasn't there. His apartment was cleared out, completely empty. In the closet was a picture of you taken from somewhere across the street with the words "your move"."

My eyes glaze over as she finishes talking. The world fades in and out of focus. I shove Noah into Liv's arms and fall to the ground. I faintly hear someone shout my name.

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 **SVU precinct**

 **Monday, June 15th**

 **9:30 PM**

"So what do we know about him?" I sit in the middle of the squad room in a rolling chair. We always discuss Amanda's case around 9, after hours so that we don't muddle our other cases. My team huddles around me. Finn is, as always, at my left. Amaro sits in front of me; he was somehow able to keep Amanda at home.

After her fainting spell the doctor has put her strictly on bed rest for the next week. Yeah, like that will happen.

Barba is closest to the timeline we have running and looks very uncomfortable. He continues to shift from foot to foot.

"Patrick Fitzgerald, 25-30, dark hair, dark eyes, likes young blonde girls. All victims report the same story. A guy walks up to them and asks them to dance. After a while they get a drink, feel light headed, get taken into the back alley and raped. "

Everyone mulls over what Finn has just said. Amaro puts on a brave face but you can tell he's fuming on the inside.

"So the first rape was reported 2 months ago. That makes 5 victims in the remaining time. He's escalating." I think aloud and tap my foot. When the tapping doesn't satisfy the twitch I stand up and go to the board.

"We've put a protective detail on Amanda and extra cops in the club. Somehow Max's lawyer got it back open. Whatever. We need to catch this SOB now before another victim pops up." My voice is frustrated.

Amaro stands up and walks to the board across from me. "What I don't get is why all of a sudden we're getting these reports. I mean I'm profiling him as though he needs to rape women; it makes him powerful, alive even. So why did he decide to start now?"

No one quite knows how to answer that. It strikes me strange how none of us had pointed that out before. We all need to take a giant step back and gain some perspective. This is just a regular case.

"I'll get you a warrant to look through his medical records and other confidential files. Just find this guy, and make it quick." Barba struts across the room with his head down. I think he cares more about Amanda than he lets on.

Once Barba has gone silence returns. Everyone's eyes linger on Amanda's picture. It still stings to see her up there. I doubt we'll ever get used to it.

"We need to keep a close eye on Amanda. He's obviously got some obsession with her, newly formed. Maybe we can set up a sting?" Finn crosses over to me. I know he is hurt that he hasn't really been able to see his partner, those two are thicker than thieves. They've talked on the phone a couple times but other than that, nothing. Amanda stays glued to Amaro or her couch. "We could have her go out in public and then come back to her apartment. He probably knows where it is by now."

A shiver comes up my spine when I think about the fact that he probably does know where she lives. I had breached the subject with her but she was stubborn, didn't want to leave her home. I had also talked to her about therapy, which she reluctantly agreed to. She didn't have much of a choice though, it's mandatory.

I nod my head "Okay. I'll demand she has an extra detail, maybe some undercover ones as well" I nod at Nick "don't tell her about the UC one's, she'll flip" I look back at Finn "review all the previous statements and dig into his records when Barba gets that warrant. Nick, follow me."

I turn and leave with Nick hot on my heels and walk into my office. I have to say every time I see my desk and name plate I swell up with pride. But today, I feel nothing.

Nick closes the door behind him as I take a seat behind my desk. He chooses the seat across from me, the one on the right.

"You wanted to speak to me?" I rest my hands on the desk and look straight ahead at Nick. He looks anxious.

He clears his throat and shifts in his seat. "Yeah I did. I was thinking a few days ago about how this is all going to play out. IAB is going to toss us if they ever find out. Both Amanda and I, our shields will be taken and our training will have been for nothing."

I listen and nod my head. I think I know where he is going with this but I don't want to get ahead of myself. My heart starts to beat faster.

Again he shifts in his seat uncomfortably. "I want to transfer to homicide. It's the only outcome I can see that would work. I love it here I do, but Amanda loves it more. She belongs here, she needs to be here. I worked homicide before and loved it so I don't mind. I hope you understand."

I hesitate for a few seconds before I answer. "I get it Nick, I do but I also hope you understand what you're saying. You would be leaving SVU. Now I can get into contact with the homicide captain but I want you to really think about what you're willing to do."

In all reality I don't want Nick to leave. For one we're short staffed, but I know that's not the real answer. I would miss him, deeply.

This time it's his turn to nod as he stands to go. "I will, thanks Liv." He smiles and heads towards the door. Right before he reaches the frame my phone rings and I hold up my hand to stop him.

"Benson" I curtly say as I answer the phone.

My blood runs cold. I have to stifle a reflex gasp.

Nick peers at me from the other side of the desk and rounds it to lightly touch my shoulder out of concern. I can tell he is confused and a little worried as I hang up the phone and sink down into my desk chair.

"We have another vic."

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" **H2O" Club**

 **Upper East Side**

 **Monday, June 15** **th**

 **10:30 PM**

Cop cars flash as I hop out of mine and take off running towards the back alley. Déjà vu hits me like a truck and my steps stagger slightly but I keep running.

Of course my outfit really doesn't help my case. The one time I put on heeled boots and a leather jacket to walk Frannie because I was feeling it this comes over my radio.

They are not going to be happy when they see me here. Not that I have ever really cared about that.

My heart starts pumping as I get closer to the scene, and not because of the running.

I flash my badge at the officer in front of the scene but I don't need to. He recognizes me instantly and stares at me wildly. As if saying "Are you crazy? Why are you here?

I guess it is a little crazy. I should have stayed home. Oops.

I walk into the back alley and fight to stay calm. A young girl is getting checked out by the paramedics; she is sitting in the back of the ambulance and talking to Liv.

Finn and Nick are interviewing a witness, maybe her friend.

As I slowly walk closer to the girl I am disgusted. Her blonde hair and blue eyes have betrayed her in the worst way possible. There are bruises up and down her arms, but not on her face. He must not have been as violent with her.

Smart son of a bitch switched clubs.

I hold my breath as I stealthily try and walk past Nick and Finn without them seeing me. They are to my right, the ambulance is straight ahead.

Of course it doesn't work; I was an idiot to think it would. I hear both of them say "Amanda" with more than a little surprise lacing their voices.

Before they can pull me to the side I shuffle ahead and stand by Liv's side.

"It's alright Bethany, it wasn't your fault." Liv turns her eyes to me and they are wild. She doesn't say anything though, can't in front of the victim. I'm sure I'll hear about it later.

Bethany is crying silently into her hands. She straightens back up and looks over at me. Her eyes silently ask who I am.

"Hi Bethany, I am detective Rollins. Is there anything I can get for you, anyone I can call to meet you at the hospital?" I ask her with the nicest tone I know.

Her eyes immediately pop open when I reveal my name. I can tell she didn't listen to anything else that I said.

"You're Detective Rollins?"

I nod my head confused.

"Amanda?"

Again I nod my head.

She begins to cry as she looks at me. "I'm so sorry. He said… He said…." Her cries stop her from being able to speak.

I grab her hand and squeeze it for support. My own tears threaten to spill over my eyes. "It's okay Bethany you can tell me."

She nods and lets out another sob before continuing. "He said that I was good…. But not as good as you. He said that he's coming for you… Again."

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I watch as Amanda grabs hold of her hand.

I can't help but smile, two of my girls together. A surge of happiness makes its way down from my head to my toes.

I was delighted when I saw Amanda running from her car. Doubt had filled my head that she would be here since she had been put strictly on bed rest.

But nothing can keep her down, my girl, she's a tough one.

Part of me wanted to pull her into an adjacent alley and finish what we started. But no, I am much too patient for that.

I need to get rid of him first. Nick Amaro. What a pest.

Or maybe I should just take her. I haven't really worked out what I want to do yet.

All in good time.

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This ones a little shorter, sorry loves. I've lost kind of my drive to write which is why it's taking me longer to put up a chapter. I am trying to at least put up one every week though. Love you guys, reviews really help!


	8. The warning

**So before I start my story I would like to thank "Candi711" for always leaving such nice and insightful reviews that make me want to write more. This chapter is dedicated to you, and your wonderful ideas may or may not be incorporated ;).**

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 **Belleview Hospital**

 **Monday, June 15** **th**

 **11:16 PM**

Bethany lies comfortably in the hospital bed. The rape kit had been done and now all Liv and I have to do is go over her statement.

"You can leave if you need to, Amanda." Liv tips her head towards me as she gets out her pen and pad of paper. We stand next to Bethany's bed.

The young girl (a few years younger than me) looks up at me with pity. That's a new one. The victim looking at ME with pity.

I clear my throat and plaster on a smile "I'm fine Liv; you can start whenever you're ready Bethany."

Bethany nods and grabs my hand. We have become quite close in the past hour. There's an unspoken bond there, one that runs deep because of what we have both been through. It's hard to explain if you're never experienced it.

"I was dancing with my friend. A guy grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. I didn't think anything of it because it's a club you know? You end up dancing on random people all the time. He was cute so I didn't mind. I should have been more careful you know, I had read the newspaper about this guy. I knew that he had raped other blonde girls."

She shoots me a look and grips my hand tighter. I cringe. For a split second I forgot that I was a rape victim. I also forgot that it had made the front page of the newspaper. "DETECTIVE FALLS PREY TO UPPER EAST SIDE CLUB RAPIST"

Nick and Finn had tried to keep me away from the paper that morning. It had worked, until a uni walked in with it in his hands to get a cup of copy and left it siting by the pot. Needless to say Liv was not happy and sent him away from the squad room. There was a lot of yelling involved.

Tears are streaming down her face faster and faster and now it is my turn to squeeze her hand. I try and ignore my own emotions. They claw at my brain and demand my attention.

"It's okay, it's not your fault" I hear myself whisper as if consoling a child. I idly wipe hair out of her eyes and give her a smile.

Liv looks at me concerned from the corner of her eye. I can tell she is worried, and probably has a right to be.

"He was just so cute. His eyes are what struck me the most, such a pretty blue. They look just like yours detective."

I was going to correct her and have her call me Amanda when I registered what she had said. I can tell Liv does too; her head whips to the side to catch my eyes.

"Did you say his eyes were blue?"

Bethany nods "that's why I had my guard down. The papers said he had dark hair and eyes, but the Patrick I met had blue eyes and light brown hair."

Liv and I exchange glances. He's smarter than we thought. Not only has he changed his hunting grounds but he's changed his appearance as well as home. He could be virtually anywhere.

I feel the demons start to claw their way to the surface. Visions of that night swarm my vision until I can see nothing else.

"I'm sorry, if you'll excuse me I have to go." My voice is hazy, dissociated. I turn abruptly and practically run out of the room.

Tears get in the way of seeing and I stumble down the hallway. The flurry of the ER hits me head on and confuses me even more.

Adrenaline pumps through my veins. A doctor puts his arm on me to see if I am alright and I swing my arm backwards, connecting with his face.

I continue to run until I get to a bathroom. It is empty and smells way too clean.

Sobs wrack my frame so violently that I have to bend over to keep from toppling down. This world is cruel, too cruel. I don't know what I have done to deserve this. There is no God, and if there is he's a pretty shitty person.

I must have done something before I was even born to deserve a life like this. HOW IS THAT FAIR?

I stand suddenly angry and punch the mirror. The glass explodes around my fist and I let out a surprised gasp as the shards dig into my flesh.

Blood trickles down my knuckles and palm. I open my hand flat and constrict it again. The pain actually makes me feel better.

Exhausted, I pick the biggest stall at the end of the row and curl up on the floor. My cries are the only sound in the empty room.

I must have drifted off, because I register a gasp just above me and slowly open my eyes.

"Oh Amada, what have you done?" Liv stands over me with tears welled up in her eyes.

I start to cry as I think she is chastising me. I realize I misunderstood when she sits on the floor next to me and pulls me into her arms.

I cry and cry and cry.

All the while she just strokes my hair and whispers lightly to me. Blood gets onto her pants but she doesn't seem to mind.

A doctor comes in and patches my hand and then leaves. I tell Liv we should go but she just shushes me and says we will stay here as long as I need to.

The tears resume even more this time, but she doesn't seem to mind. She never interrupts me or tells me to suck it up.

For the first time I wonder if I may be able to find a friend in Olivia Benson after all.

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 **Rikers Island**

 **Tuesday, June 16** **th**

 **11:15 AM**

I slam down Bethany Youngs picture and sit down across from Max Johnson. He doesn't even look at the picture.

Riker prison clothing doesn't suit him.

The cocky SOB has lost his charm. He sits grim faced and handcuffed.

"So here's what's up Maxy. Your boy Patrick has raped another girl and threatened a police officer. Now we can't find him, so we're looking to pin it all on you. But maybe, just maybe, if you know where he is then we might be able to make a deal and call off the DA."

Max jumps forward in his chair "No way man, you can't pin this shit on me. The little brown haired bitch and Latino detective already threatened me with this. I'm done man. I didn't do shit. All the girls deserved it, wanted it even. Especially the cop, she was way eager."

Anger flashes through my veins as he mentions Amanda but I don't let it get to me, this case is way too important.

I laugh and sit backwards, leaning deeper into my chair. "All of a sudden so confident for being in handcuffs are we Maxy? Let's remember you're already being charged for possession of GHB and attempted rape of 6 girls. 6 girls. One of them being a police office, that's bad. Now the judge will be more lenient on you if you give us information we need."

It looks like he's considering giving something up for a second. Instead he just tries to spit onto me.

I jump up and grab the chains around his wrists, pulling him forward and slamming his face into the table.

Cries of protest escape his lips but the guard just looks down and tries not to laugh. I wink at him and look back at Max.

"You know what you're right, you are definitely in the place to be acting like a prick" I turn to leave "I hope you have a fun stint in prison. It might do you some good to be someone's bitch."

I motion at the guards to unlock the cell and the door comes open. I set one foot out and hear a protest from Max.

"Wait" his voice is urgent.

I turn around slowly and throw my head to one side. "Do you have something to say, Maxy?" I smile and he grits his teeth.

"Don't be an ass I'm trying to help you." He waits until I wipe the smile off my face before he continues. When he starts to talk it is so quiet I have to take several steps forward.

"Watch out okay? If he's made threats against your partner then he intends for them to come true. He's a psycho. I'd watch her back if I were you. He's smarter than he looks."

After his rant is done he levels out his face again. "See you later asshole."

I turn and leave with a grim face. Amanda is in danger and the worst thing is I can hardly do anything about it.

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 **SVU Precinct**

 **Tuesday, June 16** **th**

 **2:13 PM**

The squad room is alive with activity. I walk just past the doors and stop. I take a deep breath and let the familiar senses flood my nose and ears.

It feels good, almost like home. I do not know how long I stand there but Nick stays with me the whole time.

I really don't deserve him. He is a good, kind, loyal man. It has been just over a week since I was raped. It feels like it has been a lifetime. I am tired all the time. The strength to go on is sucking the life out of me.

"Amanda, are you okay?" I open my eyes and stare into Nick's dark brown ones. His eyes are gorgeous.

Thankfully I haven't totally gone mad and mistaken him for Patrick. Something I thought I would do because the both of them have dark features. Well at least now Patrick is more lightly colored.

I nod and smile, a genuine smile. "Actually, I am. I feel…. At peace. Ready to move?"

It's funny, I ask him but he's not the one who's holding us back. He just nods and laces his fingers through mine.

The buzz of the station slows slightly as everyone looks but picks up pretty quickly. My eyes are down but I have a feeling Nick is shooting everyone death stares.

There are still bruises on my face but I'm use to covering them with makeup anyway.

"There's my Barbie girl." Fin walks across the room from the coffee pot and stands in front of me. His eyes peer into mine as if to see if I am still me, still sane. Relief washes over him as I smile.

Fin gave me the nickname Barbie on my first day. I didn't take offense as he wasn't using it as an insult. Now and again he calls me Barbie to cheer me up. It almost always works.

"Hey Fin; I'm really sorry I haven't made an effort to see you this past week. I've been…..I've been." I don't know how to explain myself. It's not fair to him really; Nick is the only one I want to see. The only one I know that won't judge me.

I subconsciously know that my team won't judge me, but I can't help but not trust anyone.

He silences me by pulling me into a bear hug. I can't help but cringe. His arms are huge, overbearing. Suffocating me until I can't breathe.

"Fin, Fin stop let go." I squirm out of his arms and bend over wheezing. He lets me go instantly but it doesn't matter.

Nick rubs circles on my back and helps me straighten up. He tucks me protectively into the side of his body and his arm raps around my waist.

"Amanda I'm sorry….. I didn't think….." Fin stands in front of me bewildered.

I wave my hand "No it's okay; it's not your fault. You're just so big and your arms hugged me so tight…."

The situation quickly becomes awkward until Liv walks in.

"Oh Amanda, I didn't know you were coming in this afternoon. Well if you're ready to work lets go. Fin you told me you found something?" Liv continues to throw me worried glances as we walk toward the timeline.

Nick wanted to move it out of the main room and into a private room but I told him no. I wasn't going to hide. If people want to see me up on this board then fine, they're going to learn all the details sooner than later.

"Yeah, I went through Patrick's records, Barba got the warrant scary fast. 2 months ago his wife was dragged into an alley, raped, and beaten to death. Ever since then he's been doing it to other girls, what kind of sick shit is that."

The tension is palpable. I am sitting on a desk and Nick is standing next to me rubbing my shoulder for support.

Liv and Fin don't even react to our closeness anymore. It's common place now.

"Well that explains his jump. Strange how he doesn't kill his victims though. Now we need to discuss what his relationship is with you, Amanda. If he is as smart as he's leading on the situation is very dangerous. We need to catch him before he rapes another girl." Liv looks at the timeline thinking. I can practically see the gears grinding in her head.

I jump up and walk towards her and go to touch her shoulder but wince when I accidently use my bandaged hand "Let me lure him in. I'll go undercover again. I'll just go out and get groceries or something."

Scoffs come from every member in the room. Protests meet my ears almost immediately.

"Amanda are you crazy? You can't go under again!" Nick jumps up next to me and grabs onto my hand. Fear was evident in his eyes.

I shake off his hand and go to stand by the timeline. "Regina York, Amelia Montgomery, Spencer James, Cassidy Sanchez, Kelli Hastings, Bethany Young, and Amanda Rollins."

I slam my fist down on our pictures as I speak each name.

"All of them, all of us were raped by the same man. I will do ANYTHING I can to help prevent another face from showing up on this hellish board. Let me do something only I can do. Please."

I look over to Liv for support but all I get is a deep sigh and hands covering her face.

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Nick is silent the whole way home. I don't blame him. I'm sure he is angry at me.

I try and talk to him on the way home but he doesn't answer. Just grips the steering wheel tighter.

The rest of the night is silent. He goes into my bedroom and shuts the door. I can tell he is pacing, the floor boards creak under his weight.

I take Frannie for a walk around the block while he is in the room. I don't think he hears me go. I return quickly and lay on the couch.

I watch Netflix and dose on and off until I hear him come out of the bedroom. I look at my phone; it is 8:30 PM.

Liv had sent us home right after my revelation even though we had just got there. Our caseload is way lighter than it normally is so she sent everyone home.

This case is everyone's main priority because we have no other cases.

Nick walks towards me with a box in his hand.

I untangle myself from the blanket cocoon I find myself in and make room for Nick to sit next to me.

He sits silently and puts the box in my hand. It is black and wrapped with a blue ribbon. My name is written on the top of it with spiraling, graceful letters.

"What… What is this?" It is sitting in my lap but I don't feel incline to open it. I just feel guilty.

Nick puts the box next to me on the couch and grabs my hands. He looks into my eyes and smiles slightly.

"I know you want to set a trap for him, and that's really, really brave. But you have to understand that it's scary for me too. To see you in pain, it hurts me. You have to know that. Because if that trap goes wrong, if something else happens to you…."

I look at him with curious eyes. I'm not sure what he's getting at. I'm also not sure why he cares; I'm not used to anyone caring about me.

"Nick….."

He puts up a hand to stop me. "Let me finish 'Manda. I'm sure you're sitting here wondering why I'm blabbering on about this and what's in this box. I've wanted to tell you something for a while. I don't want you to get scared and run or something….."

Now it's my turn to stop him "Nick, you're starting to scare me."

He smiles and shakes his head. "Amanda I'm trying to tell you….. I love you. And I have for like weeks on weeks now. I am head over heels, madly in love with you. I can't imagine saying that to anyone else, living with anyone else. If anyone else had brought home a stray cat I would have flipped, or at least been annoyed. But not you, Amanda. It's always been you."

Tears stream down my face while I start to laugh, Nick attempts to wipe them. I have never heard those words before in my life, expect from Kim but I don't think she means it. A man has never said those words to me.

I break out into hysterical laughter. I laugh so hard I can barely breathe.

"Why are you laughing?" Nick looks confused but I just jump up and wrap my arms around his neck.

Cruella hops up on the couch next to me and tries to lie in my lap but I am practically in Nicks.

"Because" I continue to laugh "I've never been so happy. I love you Nick. I really, really do."

Relief washes over his face and he jumps off the couch. In a fast movement he lifts me up and starts to spin me.

It's a way overly dramatic spectacle, but with all the darkness that's clouded us recently it's amazing.

Now we're both crying and I'm sure we look off our rockers.

Time seems to stop. I realize this is what I've been craving all of my life. I've never had it until this moment, love. I kiss him swiftly and his hands come up to reach my face. He brushes a stray hair out of my eye and kisses me again.

I climb out of his arms but still remain attached to his side.

"Now what's in the damn box?" Nick let's go of me and I walk toward the box that's now on the floor. I don't remember when it had fallen but I don't really care.

He smiles as I open it and for the first time I realize how dazzling it is. I don't know if I have just never noticed it before or if I did that to his smile.

My breath is caught in my throat.

A silk, black dress lies gracefully in the box. I pull it out and let out a gasp. It's the prettiest dress I've ever seen.

"Nick, this must have cost a fortune. You didn't have to do this."

When I lift it out I notice a sticky note on the bottom. It reads:

 _Wear me_

 _Dinner and dancing tonight_

 _9:30_

 _Love, Nick_

He smiles up at me. "Get dressed and be ready in 15. Love you."

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 **Finished this pretty quick, review if ya want. Love you guys.**


	9. This ends tonight?

**Thanks for all your amazing reviews! They really do keep my writing! I am so sorry it's taken me so long. I hope it doesn't show that I am struggling to write this, I just have lost my direction with this fic. I'm going to keep going though so I can give the story closure.**

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It takes me exactly 15 minutes to get dressed and put on makeup. It seems like Nick knows me more than I do.

I walk out of the bathroom and am met with a stunning smile from Nick as he turns around. Again it dazzles me and makes me feel things that I never have before.

He is dressed in a black suit with a white undershirt and black tie. Looking at him makes it harder to breathe, smut fills the air. He is probably the most attractive man I've ever seen.

Cruella purrs loudly in his arms. He won't admit it but I know he adores that cat. The two have been thicker than thieves the past 2 days.

Just as I am stuck looking at him, his gaze is fixated on me. His eyes roam up and down my body hungrily.

My cheeks become flushed and he quickly sets down the cat and closes the gap between us. His lips brush against mine gently and he steps back to look at me.

"You look gorgeous" his voice is dark and husky.

I can't even lie, I do feel good. The dress that he bought me fits like a glove. It is dark and silky with a black belt resting securely around my waist. The straps are thin but perfectly suited to the dress. My hair is swept up into a loose, graceful ponytail. There is a braid on the right side that adds to the formal yet loose look.

He twirls me once and draws my body into his. We start to sway to an invisible beat. When he lets me go he keeps my hand in his and we start towards the door.

"I hope you're ready to dance tonight. I have to say, I'm quite good."

I chuckle in response and roll my eyes. A part of me knows he's telling the truth.

The warm night air meets us head on as we exit the building and walk towards his car. It had been colder lately, which I hate. In Georgia it's always sunny and warm; it's what I'm used to.

His arm is looped around my hip as we walk across the street to his car. I feel comfortable, content.

For the first time in years I thank the higher power for bring him into my life. Nick is the one shining light in my dark life. With him, I think I may be able to survive. Maybe even thrive.

I do not notice the figure trailing us 50 feet behind.

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The club is alive with people and music. I suppose club isn't the right word, it's certainly not like any other club I've been in.

Music pounds from the speakers but not in a get in your face too loud kind of way. The volume is perfect, actually this whole place is.

The floors are a dark hardwood that glistens with the overhead romantic lighting. Small, personal, elevated tables line the sides of the room.

The placement of the tables gives ample room for the bar at the far end of the room and the large dance floor in the middle.

My eyes open wider when I realize it is an actual dance club. Men swing their dates around gracefully and meet back to do a romantic swing. I feel like I am in the Great Gatsby. I am Daisy Buchanan and Nick is Jay Gatsby.

Champagne flows freely from trays the servers carry.

Nick swipes two off the closet tray and offers me one. I take it with a smile on my face and sip the bubbling liquid.

"Do you like it?" Nick's hand finds my waist and he guides me to a close, empty table. He sits across from me and grabs my hands.

"It's beautiful, Nick. I've never seen anything like it in the city." I can't help the wonder that undertones my voice. Simply sitting in here I feel more elegant, more worthy. Like I am part of something beautiful. The atmosphere is half magical half magnificent.

We idly chat for a while until we finish our champagne and he rises and takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor.

Nick does not know that I used to dance, so he's in for quite a shock.

Some reggae Lana Del Rey song comes on as we join the sea of people dancing. At first it's hard to integrate with the crowd, all couples are so adjusted to their neighbors that we have to join the beat.

Nick spins me out and pulls me back in expertly. My eyebrows must rise slightly in shock because he laughs and bows in an exaggerated motion.

The girl next to us is hit with Nicks sweeping arm and she stumbles out of beat. Nick and I burst into laughter after a few apologies and it's my turn to skillfully turn around him until we are facing the other way.

He lets out a surprised scoff and I get close to him a smile. "Did I forget to tell you I was a dancer for 12 years?"

He feigns a betrayed look and darts his hands out to jab my hips. I let out an uncharacteristic squeal. I have never made that noise before. But in all fairness, I have never been this happy before. Even if the moments are fleeting and the darkness always finds its way back in, for a few seconds I am happy.

We start to dance along with everyone else. Nick swings me around and around until I am laughing madly. This is why you live; this is why you draw breath. A love like this comes along once in a life time.

I do not notice the song change until someone next to me starts to hum along with it. I was too involved in dancing with Nick to pay attention to what song was on. We had danced through many of them.

The poisonous melody reaches my ears and I stop dancing at once. I sway back and forth as if in a trance. I register Nick calling my name but I can't draw my attention away from the images clouding my vision.

The remixed Adele song screams through the speakers. Suddenly I was back with Patrick. His arms were around my waist throwing me into the room where I will be raped.

A guttural scream pierces through the club and everyone stares at me. I don't realize it came from me until Nick starts to frantically scream my name.

His touch burns my arm and I shake it off and run in the opposite direction. People jump out of my way like I am Moses parting the red sea.

I feel hopeful as I tare through the crowd. Maybe, just maybe if I run fast enough I can escape him.

I burst out of the door into the warm night air and continue to run. Where is Fin? He should be out here this is the back alley isn't it?

I hear a horn and become disgruntled. Cars can't drive in a back alley?

A strong arm grips around my wrist and I start to scream. Patrick has me, he has me and he's going to hurt me.

I struggle but the vice like grip turns me around and I am held against his chest.

Cologne fills my senses and my daze is cleared, I know this scent. This scent belongs to Nick.

"Amanda, Amanda it's me it's Nick! Amanda you almost just got hit by a car is you crazy? are you okay? Oh my god Amanda you scared me don't scare me like that!"

I start to sob uncontrollably. Nick will surely want to leave me after this. I am a nut job, I am a mess. I am not shocked to realize I wish I had been hit by that car.

The pain hits me like that car almost did and I slouch over. His arms are around me holding me up as I weep.

From the outside I'm sure it looks like I'm a drunk crazy bitch.

I am in so much pain I can hardly breathe.

Nick continues to play with my hair and whisper to me.

"I love you I love you I love you."

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 **SVU Precinct**

 **Tuesday, June 16** **th**

 **10:07 PM**

I stare at the pictures without blinking. Fin had lined them across my desk per request. This way I can't look away, can't forget.

While I have sent everyone else home I stay. That's what being the boss means, or at least that's what Cragen told me.

I really do have the best nanny in the world. She is willing to stay with Noah as long as I need her to. I make a mental note to give her a raise.

Even when I shut my eyes the pictures line my eyelids. They are burned in my vision like a branding iron.

Amanda's bruised, naked body haunts me as I stare down at them. The other pictures consist of faraway shots from all around the city.

More arrived just minutes ago. These consist of picures of all of us, and especially pictures of Amanda.

I told Fin to track the package in which they came in but with no such luck.

One of these pictures strikes me in a way the others don't. It is more personal, more in depth into Amanda's life.

Amanda stands against a wall next to her apartment building. She is crying, sobbing actually.

It hits me hard. To see someone I know, someone I have grown to like in such pain…. It's torture.

I am about to put the pictures away when I notice something I should have long ago. All of the pictures of Amanda are from an upward angle across the street. The same angle in every single picture and I just now saw it. I can't believe I'm so stupid, so, so, stupid.

I jump up and grab my phone. I dial Fin's number quickly and wait for him to pick up. He picks up on the second tone. I don't wait for him to start talking.

I run towards the hallway as I talk "Fin I need you to call Amanda and Nick and get them in here. I'm getting SWAT and we're all going over to Amanda's apartment building. All of the pictures are taken across from the street and up a few floors. We're going through every single damn room if we have to in order to find him." I am breathing heavily as I continue to move.

"Shit" is all I hear from the other side of the line before it goes dead. The dial tone rings in my ears and I hang up. My adrenaline starts to go into overdrive.

I silently plead that we get him tonight so that this will all be over. It has to be over.

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 **Ridgewood Apartments**

 **Tuesday, June 16th**

 **10:51 PM**

The SWAT team greets Nick and I as we get out of his car and walk across the street. He keeps a hand locked around my arm.

Liv narrows her eyes when she sees my blotchy makeup and shaken appearance. She doesn't have time to ask about it before the SWAT members buzz around her like bees.

I am still in my dress and Nick is still in his suit. I am barefoot and wear my NYPD jacket. The jackets presence always calms me down; it offers a sense of security.

Nick had tried to get me to go home, insisted it even but I wouldn't listen to him. I know he is worried about me but I can't bring it in me to care. I want to watch him get arrested; I want to watch his downfall.

Dozens of tenants from the lower floors mill around on the sidewalk annoyed. I feel bad that they had to be evacuated on my behalf.

I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

After everyone has arrived Fin, Nick, Liv, and I position ourselves in front of SWAT. This apartment building directly mirrors mine.

I take the lead after several protests from the rest of my squad. Everyone is in charge of a separate floor. Liv has the first of our sweep, then Fin, then me, and then Nick.

Nick squeezes my arm one last time and we all split up. Each detective has at least 5 SWAT members with them. Of course I have more.

The first apartment looms over me and I kick in the door. I yell to SWAT that it is clear and I hear them continue past me.

I walk farther into the room and shut the door behind me. My blood has run cold, freezing in my veins.

This apartment is furnished exactly like mine except for the thousands of pictures of me on every available surface. My guard is completely dropped as I stare at the pictures.

My eyes are glued to the pictures. Some are on the street with Nick or Liv, others are of me inside my apartment.

In the one closest to me I am stepping out of the shower in a towel, the one closest to it Nick and I are snuggling on my couch.

I'm not sure why I told SWAT they could continue. Maybe because I didn't want anyone to see this, this incredibly personal display of my life. Of course it could just be that I don't want to be victimized by more people than I have to be. Or maybe because I know he is here somewhere.

My mouth drops in an O formation and I let out a few gasps as I continue to examine the pictures. It's insane really.

I can hear apartments above me being seized and searched by the rest of the officers. Guilt finds its way into my head but I push back against it.

My footsteps echo against the walls that all of a sudden seem far apart. The room seems grander, I seem smaller. A tiny figure in a vast room filled with silence and secrets.

I walk right up the far wall. The pictures feel rough against my hand. I trail each one with my fingertips.

I was experiencing a down right out of body experience. It was almost as if it wasn't me in these photographs, me in this room. As if I was floating above the room.

My feet are cold against the hardwood.

A cold metal object touches the back of my head and I freeze. Paralysis grips my features and I can't move.

I know who is holding that gun, who is at the end of it. He is the monster that haunts my dreams that ruined my life. The man I continue to fear but yet obsess over.

My heart palpitates madly in my chest. I can hardly breathe.

"Amanda, it's so nice of you to join me. I've missed you so much, did you miss me? You look lovely by the way; did you dress up just for me?" His voice is breathy and excited.

I have to fight the urge to throw up. I am vaguely aware of the fact that I am practically pinned against the wall.

A hand reaches its way from my hips to my stomach. As it grazes upward toward my breasts I start to tremble.

This cannot be happening to me. Why why oh god WHY did I not draw my gun. Why did I practically back myself into a corner? Wait… I still have my gun.

The realization dawns on me that I still have my gun; that I do not have to be a victim in this situation.

Patrick stays silent behind me. His hand has stilled on my chest. It almost seems as if he is waiting for me to make my move, to decide what to do.

I slowly move my hand to my hostler. I feel the rough material under my hand and graze over it. It is empty.

I have to bite my lip to stop the scream that wants to rip from my throat.

The gun that is pressing into the back of my head is my gun. My own damn gun is going to be the one that kills me. I am a shitty cop, how did I not notice my gun being taken from its holster?

A deep laugh comes from behind me and in an instant he has spun me around to face him.

"Oh sweetheart no, did you think I was just going to let you out of here? Oh no no no that's not going to happen. You see we're going to get as far away from here as possible."

I try and look down but his hand cups my face and squeezes. I try and wriggle away from his touch but his hips are forced against mine pressing me into the wall.

Tears stream down my face and I think it angers him. He starts to get rougher with me.

He grabs onto my hair and slams me down into the nearest chair. He rips the handcuffs off of my belt and cuffs me to the chair. He loops both arms under the chair and cuffs me to the bar. Unfortunately for me it's a rolling chair so he can pull me closer to him with ease.

His hands go through my hair the way Nick sometimes does. Only now I feel disgusted, disgusting.

"You see baby doll there are some things you don't know about me. I happen to be very smart, and very wealthy. I can have a private jet procured within an hour. My family happens to be very powerful. Good old mom and dad just happened to have died in a plane crash when I was 18, leaving me all the money. So we're going to go somewhere, I just don't know where. France? The Cayman Islands? Russia? I'm not sure yet. But first, were going to have some fun. Just me and you."

My eyes pop open wide. He can't take me anywhere I don't want to go.

"My squad, they're here. They will find me. You can't take me anywhere." My voice comes out fragile and weak. I am embarrassed at how I sound.

That elicits a laugh from him. The chair is pulled closer until we are face to face and I can't look anywhere else.

"Sweetheart that's what you said last time remember? Now I know you're scared to start this new life with me but I have to admit I'm quite excited. We can have children, a huge house, and the American dream. I'm ready, are you?"

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	10. Looking At The Stars

**As always, thanks so much for your reviews. Love you all so much and I am so happy you have accepted my little story into this wonderful array of other stories. You guys keep me writing… :)**

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" _Have you ever thought about leaving New York? I don't know maybe moving to a small town or even traveling around Europe?"_

 _Nick walks alongside me with his arm looped through mine. Frannie trots at my side constantly looking at me. When I got her I made sure to train her well. I wasn't going to have a wild dog running around._

 _It's a warm, breezy day in May. There isn't a cloud in the sky. Central park is virtually empty for a Saturday._

 _I can tell my question throws Nick off guard. His steps slow and he moves his head to catch my eyes which have now fallen to the ground._

" _Uhhh I don't know. I mean I'm sure I've thought about it but not too seriously. New York is my home, you know? I don't think if I can picture living anywhere else. Why?"_

 _Nick is still trying to catch my eyes but they are trained on the ground. To be honest the question threw me for a loop as well. I didn't realize I was saying it until it came out._

 _We walk in silence for a few steps until he steers me toward a bench. I unleash Frannie and throw a ball across the park. She obediently runs after it and returns to the bench. After a few tosses I put the ball away and she lays next to my feet._

" _I don't really know. I used to feel peace living in New York. Almost like this was really my home the whole time. The squad, my apartment, all of it. But ever since Patton has stepped foot on this soil and ran through my life…. I don't know it's hard to explain."_

 _Nick listens next to me. He nods his head a few times and scoots closer to me._

 _The metal bench is surprisingly comfortable. A bird flies overhead just as the wind starts to pick up again. A strand of hair blows across my face and before I can go to move it Nick tucks it behind my ear._

 _I still slightly. I am always shocked when he shows me some form of tenderness; I have never been treated that way before._

 _I'm used to being used for sex and then dumped back into the garbage where I belong. But Nick, he doesn't do that. Though our relationship did start solely sexual it has developed into something far more grand._

" _I think I understand Amanda. Just don't skip out without telling me. Hell just don't leave without me okay? I don't want to wake up and find out you're gone." His voice is soft and filled with warmth._

 _I nod and nudge in closer to his body. I lean my head against his shoulder and close my eyes, letting the sun beat down on my face._

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 **Ridgewood Apartments**

 **Tuesday, June 16th**

 **11:07 PM**

The gun burns holes into the back of my head as he shoves me down the fire escape. I could jump, sure I would die but it's probably better than whatever he has planned for me.

The detective in me wants to fight. She wants to bite and kick and scratch the shit out of the man who is keeping me hostage.

But the desperate soul in me that has been trying to fight for so long against demons like him wants me to jump. To end the pain and the shit that goes on in my life, forever.

Right now I do not know who to listen to. If I do decide to fight, what will I have to endure to come out the other side?

The cold metal of the fire escape mirrors the cold weather surrounding us. Where it had been a warm June night earlier, it has turned into a chilly October one. For June it is unusually cold but it fits the situation.

I dread getting to the bottom. After that it is up to Patrick to decide what happens to me.

For now the climbing is constant, mind numbing. After that is over, after we get to the bottom then what?

The end of the fire escape looms ever closer as we continue our descent. My gun is still held at the back of my head and his hand loops deadly through my arm.

Throughout the entire trip down I've been leaving little bread crumbs. A hair tie here, pieces of my business card there. I don't know how he doesn't notice me dropping them but he doesn't.

Thank god it isn't windy. Otherwise all my clues would blow away along with the hope of survival. I suppose I have the Lord to thank for that. Huh that's new.

We finally reach the bottom and he pushes me roughly off of it. There's a few feet drop and I hit the ground hard.

The second I hit the ground I pop up and start to sprint out of the alley way. If I can get away, if I can run fast enough then maybe I can escape.

Patrick anticipated my move though and grabs the back of my NYPD jacket and shoves me head first into the brick wall.

My head connects with the wall in a sick cracking sound and I fall to my knees. A wave of dizziness overcomes me and I struggle to see.

I touch the back of my head to find my hair is matted with my own blood. Pain shoots out from where my head struck the wall and I do my best not to throw up.

Patrick grabs my jacket once again and lifts me up. "I'm sorry I lost my temper baby, I promise I won't do it again."

His words are distant and muffled. I start to sway back and forth, trying to keep my balance.

My head must have hit the wall harder than I thought. I try to take a step forward and the world goes black.

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 **Ridgewood Apartments**

 **Tuesday, June 16th**

 **11:13 PM**

Everyone cycled back to the lobby after all the floors had been swept. No one found anything. It felt like being kicked in the tail. We were so close to ending this nightmare for good.

The small room was quickly crowded with police. Tenants that were just getting home are being ushered into separate parts of the building.

Tension fills the room as we wait for every team to get back.

I arrive first, then Liv, then Fin, and then….. No Amanda? I can feel my blood pressure start to rise as the seconds tick by.

Liv fights her way across the room to get to me. She latches her hand onto my arm and pulls me into an adjacent hallway. It's colder in this part of the building, and quieter.

Her eyes are wide and she appears to be breathing heavy. "Do you know where she is? If anything she should have been here before you." Stress edges its way into her voice and she begins to pace.

All I can do is shake my head pathetically. "I should have made her go home. I don't know why I didn't she was a mess….."

Liv cocks her head to the side clearly confused and I rush to explain. "We were at a dance club and I guess a song came on from that night and she lost it. She almost got hit by a car."

The hit by the car news doesn't seem to shake her as much as I thought it would. The look in her eye seems to scream at me that it wasn't the first time this has happened.

A giant sigh escapes my lips and I brush my hands over my face.

Liv doesn't give me much time to brew. She grabs onto my hand and leads me back to the main room. The contact keeps me calm, but not in a romantic way. Never have I ever thought about Liv like that.

"Alright listen up. We need to go back through the floors that Amanda had. I don't know why her team kept going without her" Liv shoots a poisoned look at Amanda's SWAT team "but it doesn't matter. We'll take the lead."

Liv walks pointedly across the room with Fin and I behind her. I vaguely register LT Tucker somewhere in the mix but I don't care enough to question why he is here.

The first apartment comes into focus and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I can tell Liv and Fin feel it too in the way that they look back at me with wide eyes.

A loud boom echoes through the hallway as Liv kicks the door in. I get ready to run in when I bump into the back of Fin just 5 steps in. He had bumped into Livs back as she stopped.

Annoyance creeps into my facial features as I roughly step to the side to see why they stopped. The color drains from my face and my expression goes slack as my eyes take in the room.

Amanda's face is plastered in every corner of the space. My fists clench as I walk around the space. I don't miss the pictures of us kissing in her apartment and in the street.

I get to one of her in just a towel. My eyes turn to slits and I rip the picture off of the wall. There is more than one semi inappropriate picture of her and I snatch them all off of the wall.

"Nick you know you can't touch anything here." Liv tries to stop me from ripping off more. I have to fight to not push her off of me.

Fin looks just as disgusted as me and pulls her gently away from me "c'mon Liv just let him do it."

"Fin you know he can't do that! We need CSU in here right now we don't know….."

I turn around and stalk a few steps towards her "EXACTLY. EXACTLY LIV WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, WE DON'T KNOW SHIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SHE IS OR WHAT HE IS DOING HERE SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR TEARING SOME OF THESE HORRIBLE PICTURES DOWN. SHE'S ALREADY BEEN PITIED ENOUGH AND I DON'T NEED SOME CSU ASS HOLES WALKING IN HERE AND SEEING MY GIRLFRIEND IN A TOWEL."

Fin comes towards me to try and calm me down but I shake off his hand and charge to the window. I open it and get ready to throw the pictures out when I see a small piece of paper sitting in the fire escape.

With my hands I motion for Liv and Fin to come towards me and I grab the piece of paper with the tweezers I have in my pocket.

I can't fight the smile that comes to my face when I think about the crap that Amanda gives me for having tweezers in my pocket. You never know when you're going to need to pick up evidence.

"What the hell is it?" Fin looks at the piece of paper I have now brought into the room.

All three of us barley dare to breathe in case I would drop it.

I rotate the tweezers to get a better look at it. I pick out an AMAN and half of the number at the bottom. Liv sees it the same time I do.

"That's Amanda's business card."

I nod and walk back over the fire escape to plant it where it was. "She always carries at least 10."

"But why is it just in the fire escape?" Fin scans the pictures again with his eyes before he settles them on my face.

I push a faint smile "She's leaving us a trail."

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The first thing I register is the sound of cars around me. I can hear horns and I can feel the motion of riding in a car. It is a familiar sound and feeling so I begin to drift off again.

My eyes snap open when I remember the last thing that had happened to me. My hands are bound with rope as well as my feet. Duct tape is splayed roughly across my mouth. It has started to burn my lips.

I look out the window across from me and notice it is still dark outside. I must not have been out for that long.

At least I'm not in the trunk. I hate trunks. In college my roommates had played a prank on me one night and locked me in the trunk. I was nearly scared to death. Literally.

The car slams on its breaks and I fall from the seat to the floor. I let out a groan and immediately freeze. My heart pounds in my chest and I pray that Patrick didn't hear me.

A laugh echoes from the front seat followed by a "look who's awake" and my hope shrivels up and dies.

He pulls off the road and stops the car. We're in some sort of parking lot.

I hear him shuffle around in his seat and then his face peaks out from the front. "Hello darling, I'm sorry to wake you up and run but I absolutely have to use the bathroom and get some snacks for the rest of our trip. Do you want anything in particular?"

A dripping smile filled with poison frames his features and I fight the urge to grimace. Instead I keep my face even and look away.

A hand trails down my leg. I start to shake uncontrollably and he stops.

"I'll be right back, Amanda." The way he says my name makes me want to die. It's filled with lust and need, it's disgusting.

The car door slams shut and I scream. I wait a few seconds before sitting upright.

We're at a remote gas station. I can't tell where.

I see a man across the parking lot pumping gas and I start to pound on the window. I scream as loud as I can and bang my hands and then my feet against the glass. It's strong, un-breaking but I get the man's attention.

He's about my age with huge muscles. From where I am it looks like he has light hair and dark eyes.

His eyes widen and he pulls his phone out to call 911 I assume.

I can see him talking fast. He starts to walk towards me when he suddenly falls to his knees. Blood leaks out of his stomach and I let out a horrified scream that is muffled by the duct tape.

Patrick yanks the knife out of his back and walks towards me. The blood catches the light in a sickly sweet way. It glimmers in the darkness and reveals my fate.

He jerks my car door open. I scurry backwards to try and escape his touch but he latches onto my feet and yanks me out of the car.

My head smacks the pavement as I land. The wind is knocked out of me and I lay there trying to catch my breath.

"How dare you try to escape? Amanda I have forgiven you multiple times but you're running out of free passes. He is dead BECAUSE OF YOU." As he speaks he gets on top of me and straddles my waist. I try and get out from under him but he has me pinned. The knife is against my throat.

Patrick continues to speak but I don't listen to him. I stare past his face and look at the stars. I've always loved watching the stars at night

 _The air is crisp and the night is clear._

 _Nick and I lay on a blanket in central park. My body is halfway on top of his but he insists I am not crushing him._

 _We stare at the stars and he slowly strokes my hair._

 _We lay silent for a while. The breeze whips around us lightly. The bustle of the city sounds far away. It is calming background noise._

" _When I was a child I would always watch the stars. Whenever ma and pa were fighting or Kim was wreaking havoc in my house I would run to this hill near my house and just lay in the grass and cry and look at the stars. Even if it was midday I would wait for it to be dark enough to look at the stars." I laugh and shake my head to rid myself of the memories._

 _Nick doesn't say anything for a while. Just scoots closer and continues to play with my hair._

" _Did you have to go to the hill often?" He is trying to tread lightly. There is a bit of wonder in his voice but also regret. As if my past is his fault._

 _I shrug like I always do when something gets too personal. Liv says I do it because I think the situation is my fault and there's nothing I can do to change it._

" _It wasn't that bad. I took care of myself and my sister. I'm luckier than most people."_

" _Well you don't have to be strong anymore Amanda, you can let everything go. I'm here, I'm here."_

The memory sets a smile on my face that strains against the duct tape and that Patrick notices and doesn't like.

"Are you thinking about him? You little slut. I'll wipe that smile right off of your face."

He rips the duct tape off of my face and grabs a water bottle from the bag he was carrying.

I can tell it has already been opened and I strain against his grip and start to scream. I don't know what drug he put in it but I don't want to find out.

"STOP MOVING." His voice thunders through the now empty parking lot as he forces my mouth open and the bottle into it.

I feel like I am being water boarded as half the water goes down my throat and the other half gets sucked into my nose and falls around my face.

He drains the whole bottle and yanks me to my feet. Whatever was in the bottle was strong. I already feel light headed.

My body is shoved back into the back seat and he starts to drive again.

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We follow Amanda's trail all the way down the alley way. It stops when we reach the bottom but Liv points out a small patch of blood on the brick wall.

My gut twists when I see it and then follow the trail to the street. It ends there.

"Alright let's get CSU down her pronto. Fin go tell the SWAT team to get out of here. Shoo away anyone that's not SVU or CSU. I don't want extra bodies around here." Fin nods and heads off.

I approach Liv and try to look as even as possible. I can't get thrown off this case. I wouldn't be able to just sit there and do nothing, waiting for her to be saved. "What can I do?"

"Get back to the precinct. Grab Fin and start a timeline. A new one. I'll be there as soon as I can."

I nod and start to turn. Livs voice is so soft and fragile that it startles me.

"I'm sorry, Nick. I know this is going to be hell for you, but it's going to be even worse for Amanda. When we get her back, and not if, but when we get her back she's going to need you. Full time. I've already talked to homicide, after this case you're transferred."

We stare at each other for a while. Silent words exchanged between fast friends.

I can hear SWAT team start to pack up and leave. Men's boots slap against the pavement while women's high heels click back and forth in the noise behind me. I can't help but think of Amanda and the great peril she is in.

With every second, every minute I miss her more. I fear what he is doing to her.

"Thanks Liv" is all I can manage before I turn and leave.

I look up at the stars and pray that Amanda is still looking at them, waiting for me.

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 **Thank you so so so so much for reviews. I really appreciate them. Let me know if you have any ideas you want me to put in because I love incorporating others thoughts. Review if ya want**

 **Side note: I'm really sorry to those who don't ship rollaro bc I do hella amounts and this is full of it lol. I'll tone down if y'all want me to but really HOW IS JESSIE NOT NICKS BABY?!**


	11. Addison Rinnaldi

**I love you guys and your amazing reviews. As always thank you and keep them coming! SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE, LOST MY DRIVE FOR A WHILE.**

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 **SVU Precinct**

 **Wednesday, June 17** **th**

 **4:07 AM**

 **5 HOURS MISSING:**

The precinct is busier than usual. People scatter around the bullpen like busy bees in a hive. Adrenaline is at a high and the anxiety is palpable. 

Thankfully exhaustion hasn't set in yet.

A new timeline has been set up and splayed across the large white board. Nick, Fin, and I (as well as some unis) stand around staring at it.

"Our witness, Jack Reynolds said he saw Patrick carrying Amanda bridal style down the street at around 11:30 PM. The witness positively identified both of them, including Amanda wearing her NYPD jacket. At first he had thought they were a happy couple and that she had fallen asleep and he was carrying her home. Then we started canvasing and he realized what had happened."

I finished reading and put the file down on the closest surface. That's all we have on the witness side of things.

Other than that we have nothing to go on. No other witness, no other leads, nothing.

Nick steps closer to the board and raises his hand to point some things out. "Amanda was last seen at 11:30, 5 blocks away from Ridgewood apartments. It's been almost 5 hours and we haven't received another tip. Now Jack Reynolds said the car was a black town car, probably the most common car in New York. They could be out of the city by now. They could be anywhere."

He had started out very composed and professional. Towards the end of his speech however, emotion and realization took over and his voice started to get thick with emotion.

Fin claps a hand on his back for support. It hurts all of us to see Amanda go through this, but it hurts Nick more. He is without doubt, 100% in love with her.

We continue this banter for maybe a half hour more before we realize it is getting us nowhere. Harsh words were being spit back and forth between detectives, tensions are peaking. We split off into groups per my orders so we wouldn't get into fights.

All of our heads need to stay clear and focused for this case. If we want to find Amanda we have to work together. Otherwise I fear we will never find her.

I sit down at my desk and rub my temples to try and clear my mind. I can't help but feel responsible for this, for this whole mess. It was clear that Amanda never really wanted to go undercover. I silently vow to get to know her better once she comes back.

We will get her back, we have to.

I can already feel my head start to clog with fatigue. A pressure at the front of my head has started to build and I recognize it as an oncoming headache. Great, just what I need.

The smell of coffee wafts in the office door and shakes me awake instantly.

I know that I should sit here and try to focus. Try to work this case but I can't. The smell of coffee wins over my free will and I get to my feet and walk back into the bullpen.

My feet carry my body subconsciously to the coffee pot and I see Nick has already beaten me to it. He pours slowly and distractedly. His muscles are tense and I quickly slide the cup out of the way before the liquid reaches the counter.

"Oh crap I'm sorry Liv I didn't mean to…." He quickly grabs paper towels and wipes up the puddle of coffee. Despite my efforts Nick has spilled coffee from the pot itself.

I smile and grab a cup for myself. "It's okay, we're all stressed. I'm sure she's fine Nick." I try my best to sound calm and supportive. Nick isn't persuaded though, his eyes narrow.

"Liv you know that's not true. He's probably… he's probably…."

Before I can say anything a Uni comes running across the room and practically knocks the coffee out of my hand.

"Sargent, Amaro we just got a call forwarded to us from 911. Some guy called and reported that he saw a blonde girl wearing an NYPD jacket in the back of a black town car banging on the windows for help. The report was never finished because the caller was shot out of nowhere. But before he was shot he gave us an address."

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 **11 HOURS MISSING:**

Sunlight filters through the dirty car window. It lands harshly on my eyes and forces them open.

I am disoriented for a second. I try to sit up but feel the binds around my wrists and legs. The rope has started to chafe my skin. All in all I am incredibly uncomfortable, and still in this damn dress.

Patrick notices that I am awake and grins from where he is driving.

"Good morning sunshine, did you sleep well? You've been asleep for hours now. I was going to wake you up soon; I was starting to get worried."

I continue to look around slightly confused. Whatever he had given me must have been strong. It still resides in my head and clouds my thoughts.

"Where are we?" I manage to spit the words out. My voice is hoarse from the lack of water. I also realize how hungry I am and how much I have to use the restroom.

He stalls before he answers "It doesn't matter darling. But now that you're awake we can get something to eat yeah? Maybe stop at a little diner and have a nice family meal. We're almost home anyway."

 _Home._ The word sounds strange and hangs in the air. Before New York I've never considered anywhere home. Certainly not where I grew up and certainly not with Patrick.

I think back to what has happened the last couple hours. I pray that Liv, Nick, and Fin hear the 911 call and find the jacket that I discarded when Patrick threw me back in the car. The man's body will have been found by now.

A pang of guilt blindsides me as I think about the sacrifice the man has made for me. He probably had a family, a future. I have stolen that from him.

I try and peak out the window but Patrick jams my head back down. The car swerves slightly.

"No no no Amanda not yet. I make the rules remember. I say what you do and when you do it. Right now you're going to lie back down and I'm going to find us something to eat." His voice is threatening, harsh. His anger has been escalating throughout the entire trip.

I lay back down.

It is quiet for a while. Car horns and the smell of gasoline filter into the car and I close my eyes. I've lived a pretty good life, dying now wouldn't be so bad. Sure I would miss Nick, Fin, even Liv but I've had a pretty good run.

Regret floods my system at all the things I won't get to do. I will never be married, never have children, and never be happy. My life has been a storm from the moment I came into the world.

There's so much pain in the world, so much god damn pain. It seeps into your pores and poisons your body. It is in everyone and everywhere.

The car suddenly swerves right and I hear horns shriek in protest. Patrick lets out a thrilled laugh as he pulls into a parking space.

"Are you hungry?" Patrick opens his door and climbs out.

My pulse races as he opens my door and pops his head in. His eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep but he still wears that devilishly handsome grin.

I look in his eyes and I see my rape, I see my pain, and I see my fate.

He makes quick work of the binds around my ankles and wrists. As he unties my hands he moves for a kiss and I swerve my head to the side.

This angers him.

Luckily we're in public so he can't do anything about it unless he wants to draw attention to us. His eyes reduce to slits as he grabs onto my hand and pulls me out of the car.

Once I am on my feet I am almost immediately knocked off of them. My head wound combined with my lack of movement and the sudden burst of sunlight makes me insanely dizzy. I start to topple over but Patrick catches me.

His arm slides under my armpit right before I fall to my knees. A civilian sees from across the parking lot.

"Oh my gosh is she okay?" A woman comes to my side and helps Patrick get me to my feet. The pair guides me to a close bench up against the restaurant.

I raise my eyes to look at her and find startling green eyes staring back at me. Her hair is black, curly, and long. She looks to be about my age. She speaks with a slight accent.

Patrick straightens up and shakes her hand. "Thank you so much. My wife is pregnant and she gets hit with fainting spells every once in a while. I can't thank you enough…."

He pauses to get her name. She smiles in response.

"Addison Charlotte Rinnaldi, but my friends just call me Addison or Charlotte." She breaks the handshake and squats down to look me in the eyes.

My eyes are trained down but she forces me to look at her. Her last name sparks my interest. It's definitely Italian.

"Are you okay honey?" Her voice is thick with concern that I haven't heard in a long time.

I smile and shake my head. I decide to take a leap of faith and pray it pays off.

"Riesci a capirmi?" I look straight into her eyes and hope that she understands me. If not I know 6 other languages I can ask her in. She definitely has an accent of some sort.

Addison furrows her brow for a second before stealing a glance at Patrick and then back at me.

Patrick's eyes are darting back and forth between us as he starts to grip my arm tighter.

Birds chirp around us and the sun heats my cold body.

"Sì , stai bene?"

Relief floods through my veins as I continue our conversation. Patrick starts to get ancy.

"No. Ho bisogno di chiamare la polizia , io sono detective Amanda Rollins e sono stato rapito da questo uomo . mi aiuti per favore."

Addison's face goes white as I move to stand up when Patrick slams me back down. His face gets close to mine.

"What did you just say to her? WHAT DID YOU SAY."

I flinch as his face gets even closer and tears start to pool in my eyes. I blink them away, I refuse to cry.

"I asked her where we are, I'm sorry I shouldn't have. I just really wanted to know, it'll never happen again." My voice is weak and frail and it makes me cringe even further.

He isn't convinced but when he looks at Addison she shakes her head and starts to step backward.

"I see, I see you think I'm dumb don't you? I HEARD YOU SPEAK YOUR NAME, I HEARD THE WORD POLICE. HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?" His voice erupts out of him and Addison continues to step back.

His voice is slowly raising and others are starting to wander over. A man about 40 comes our way.

"Is everything okay over here?" The man's voice is deep and gravely. His dark voice matches his dark features. He towers over Patrick with his height and muscular form.

The male presence seems to intimidate Patrick. He lightly puts me back on my feet and pinches my side until I smile.

"We're fine thank you for asking. My wife here is pregnant and gets hit with fainting spells every once and a while. My sister and I were fighting about whether or not she should get a salad or something a little more nutritious." He points to Addison and then loops his arm around my waist like Nick used to.

The man doesn't seem convinced but he nods his head and looks over at me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I know screaming now won't do any good. I can feel Patrick's gun against my side and I don't want to cause other civilian deaths.

I plaster a big Georgia smile on my face and turn on the charm with a smile up to Patrick and straight across to the man. "He's right, we're fine. This baby has really been giving me trouble and we're still in the first trimester. We want a boy you know" I look up at Patrick again and smile. We're now in front of the bench with Addison to our right and the man in front of us. Adrenaline courses through my veins as I ready myself for what I'm about to say next. "We really like the name Nick for a boy, or maybe Olivia for a girl. Those are good friends of ours, so strong and determined, just great influences overall. I have to say one time when I was young I got myself lost with another friend and Nick and Olivia found me at once and caused quiet the scene."

Patrick's breathing increases and so does his grip on my waist. Addison looks back and forth at us confused but says nothing.

The man shakes his head and starts to back up. "Those are lovely names, I hope you have a nice rest of your day."

Seconds later he's gone and the tension returns.

Addison continues to back up but this time Patrick picks up on it.

"oh no no sis not so fast, you're in this now. Let's have a family breakfast, yeah?"

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 **Gas Station Parking Lot**

 **Upstate New York**

 **Wednesday, June 17** **th**

 **7:37 PM**

 **15 HOURS MISSING:**

The gas station parking lot is filled to capacity with police, reporters, forensic techs, and civilians. Utter chaos meets Nick and I as we park our car in the last spot on the grounds and walk towards the eye of the storm.

Surprisingly we both kept our cool the way over here. The drive was roughly 3 hours long though it felt much longer. No words were exchanged between us which was probably a good thing; tensions are high.

We are instantly pulled into the swarm of people. Civilians crowd around the crime scene tape to get a look at the body. I never understood why everyone had to stop and look.

Night is falling quickly on Albany.

"Excuse us, detectives coming through" Nick swats a 40 year old man out of the way so that he can duck under the tape. He raises it up for me as I pass under it.

It is clear that he feels awful. His appearance is disheveled and his eyes are wild.

We start on our way when an arm protrudes from the crowd and pulls me backwards.

I turn around and come face to face with a reporter. She is young- late 20's early 30's with long blonde hair and green eyes.

"Sargent is it true that the man in the parking lot was shot by the "upper east side club rapist" who is currently holding detective Amanda Rollins against her will?" A microphone is shoved in my face.

Nick has turned back by now.

The press isn't something I will ever get used to in my job; especially when they thrust microphones, lights, and cameras into my face.

"We do know that Patrick Fitzgerald has detective Rollins in his custody but we do not know if the man in the parking lot was killed by Fitzgerald. The NYPD is urging everyone in the area to be on the lookout for the pair. Patrick Fitzgerald has dark brown hair and eyes. Detective Rollins has blonde hair and blue eyes. Be advised that the subject is extremely dangerous and you should not try to approach him. Instead we are asking that you contact the police when they are spotted. Thank you." Without waiting for word from the young reporter I turn and walk back toward the crime scene.

I can hear my name being shouted by multiple other reporters but I do not dare turn around. Nick was fuming throughout the entire interview.

The body looms out in front of me face down. Blood is pooled around the middle of the body.

"Jonathon Stuart, 32. He was shot in the chest directly into the heart. It killed him instantly. He is the one who made the 911 call identifying Amanda in the back of a dark town car. Amandas jacket was found 20 feet away. I think she discarded it to help us." Melinda stands before me in her signature gloves and ME jacket.

The familiar face calms me down slightly.

It is obvious that even Melinda's worried.

"Do we know how long ago it was?" Nick steps closer to the body and looks down upon it. His eyes close briefly and if I didn't know any better I would think that he is praying. Praying to this dead man that has gotten him one step closer to Amanda. He then walks over to pick up her jacket. He returns to his spot next to me as he thumbs the jacket in his hand for comfort.

Melinda shifts from foot to foot uncomfortably. "The 911 call was made around 3:30 this morning but nobody realized it was connected to the case until right before you were notified."

An aggravated sigh comes from the man next to me. "That means they could be anywhere, literally anywhere. What can we do we have no leads, no clue really as to where she is." He throws his hands up in the air.

"I don't think we have to worry about him leaving. We last saw Amanda at around 11 last night. It doesn't take 4 hours to drive here meaning he must have driven around in circles for a while to throw us off. I'll call Fin to have him look into his financials as well as his wife's to see if any places in upstate new York have been purchased by them lately. We'll get him up here as soon as possible."

"And then what?" Nick doesn't look convinced.

I still for a moment and harness the chaos around me, the fear in my bones, and the fatigue I'm feeling and say "and then we find her."

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End file.
